Disillusioned Love
by Valkyrie Shadow
Summary: Alyss loves Jacob Black but he's still hooked on Bella. When you have a soulmate that doesn't love you and a father that beats you; what do you do?
1. Desicions

_Her grey eyes burned a hole into the three heads in the row ahead of her. The middle one squirmed, earning a smirk from the grey eyed girl. The bell rang, and she dashed out, her waist length Ebony hair swaying. Her name was Alyss._

**Alyss POV:**

I burned a hole into the three boy's heads ahead of me. The middle one squirmed. I smirked, mission accomplished.

I don't always stare at people to make them uncomfortable. I mean sure, sometimes I just do that for the hell of it, because it makes people squirm, which is funny to watch. No this time I was doing it out of anguish and painful loneliness. Those three boys, Quil Ateara, Embry Call and Jacob Black, were the keys to my heart. The reason I had previously kept going. But now they were gone. I had no reason yet to live except that I was in love with one of them and I couldn't as of yet give up that hope.

The four of us used to be best friends, we were inseparable, we had many things in common and they were like my big brothers (even though I was older by 2 months.) all except one. Jacob Black was the one I was hopelessly and pathetically in love with, thing is though, I thought I had originally had a chance, when we had those meeting of eyes moments, but all that was dispelled when he joined Sam.

I didn't resent Sam, he was right to tell them to be careful, not have any human contact. I knew why, he had them under control. I knew what they were but I didn't care, I didn't think them repulsive for what they were, but brave. To fight vampires and to protect us at the risk of their own lives was heroic, the only problem was, it was unlikely that anyone outside of the elders and the pack would ever be able to acknowledge that.

I found this out because that was my job. It had always been me who would find out about everything and everyone. I knew absolutely everything there was to know about my friends and family and their friends and family. Even, if that wasn't really acknowledged anymore. Knowing this didn't dispel the hurt I felt, the tugging at my heart every time I thought of them. The prickling behind my eyes, as I saw them, messing about with everyone they loved. It was almost like I didn't exist anymore and that hurt, even more than what I faced at home.

I wish that they would just say hi, even nod. Just acknowledge that I was there and willing to put my life on the line for them. I wish someone would do for me what Jake did for Bella, but they either didn't know I knew the stories or didn't want me in on it. I really hate that Bella girl. She was definitely leading Jake on, purposefully or not, she was. Everyone but Jake could see that. Plus she was a whiney bitch who had a tendency to have dramatic and tragic run ins with evil vampires. I also knew that through no fault of her own, she was in love with Edward Cullen, the vegetarian vampire of the Cullen family. Yes family not clan. I knew that when he came back (as we all know he will) she would go back to him without a second glance at Jake. I did not blame her for this, after all you cannot choose who you love. I just wish she could minimise the people she would hurt in the process.

As the bell rang, I dashed out of the room, scanning the corridor, for anything threatening. No popular bitches around, I was good to go. I wasn't scared of the popular people, I just didn't want to deal with them today, usually I just walked away but I was so tired and angry today that I might do something rash and I was stronger than I looked. I didn't want to get in trouble and add to the punishment I would surely get as he came home.

Entering the cafeteria, I spotted the last empty table. How depressing to sit alone, while everyone else had someone to share their thoughts with. I sighed, examining my reflection in the open window. My grey eyes once, bright and lively, looked dead and frightening, my once curvy, body was becoming painfully thin. Really I had to do something about, my lack of food.

I was just reading peacefully, not disturbing anyone, when who should appear, but the phoniest bitch there ever was.

"**Hello Keira Wallace. What can I do for you today?" **I asked in a falsely sweet voice, as the anger inside me began rearing it's big head, sniffing at the possible fight, it could unleash it's fury on.

"**Hey tramp, looks like no one wants you." **She replied, now that was a terrible attempt at an insult because I actually chose to sit there. So I ignored her, sighing I went back to reading.

"**Look at me when I'm talking to you slut!" **She all but screeched. Well that was just unnecessary, god now the whole school, was watching.

"**Fuck off Keira." **I said slowly, pronouncing each word perfectly, to make sure she got the message. My swearing surprised her. I was generally a very pleasant and polite person. Not today.

"**Why no one's going to stop me." **I laughed, because at that very stage I was so over her, La Push High and all the dramas I seemed to be in. She was but a fly I really wanted to swat. So I did.

She looked so surprised when she flew into that wall, than frightened as I smiled evilly at that crunch and the blood pouring out of her broken nose. I didn't know where it came from but I wouldn't have stopped it if I could. She had been the bane of my existence ever since I could remember. All because Jacob hung with me and not her.

"**Hmm" **I said aloud standing in front of her. **"I'm sorry but that's as much as I can improve your face today, if you want me to try again tomorrow, just swing by." **I said calmly, continuing reading at my table ignoring the sobbing bleeding girl curled in a ball at the wall. Everyone was whispering at to themselves. Eventually, everyone went back to what they'd been doing except three particular boys.

"**Are you ok, Lis?" **Jacob asked quietly. I hope he's ready because before that bell goes I am going to show him exactly how much he hurt me.

_She began screaming at that wolf boy, Jacob was it? She was obviously angry at him. If this was true, she would never forgive him even as he marked her, as many had done before him. He didn't know one thing, no matter what he did, she would be mine. _


	2. Inner Turmoil

**Embry POV:**

I felt eyes staring into the back of my head, burning a hole. I shifted slightly, squirming uncomfortably. I knew who it was of course. No one else but Alyss had that stare. Her grey eyes could make it seem like there was a storm brewing, making you cower in fear at the thought of what she could inflict upon you. Jacob and Quil squirmed beside me just as uncomfortable.

It hurt us to knowing we couldn't say hi or even nod at her. It probably hurt me the most. The day after all of us started ignoring her, something died in her eyes, replaced by an empty void that nothing seemed to fill. She never smiled, never had a single facial expression.

She was our best friend and we hated Sam for the pain he was putting her through and the pain we endured. You see I was irrevocably and pathetically in love with Alyss Magtelt Boadicea. **(AN: I didn't make up these names. Magtelt means powerful and Boadicea means warrior) **She said she always hated those names but I knew she loved the meanings. I looked it up on the internet her names mean a noble powerful warrior. Until today I didn't know how well that fitted her.

I wish I could do for her what Jake did for Bella but I don't think she knows the stories. It was a weird concept to all of us, her not knowing absolutely everything about us. She generally knew things about us we didn't know. I couldn't help but hope she would find out and not be repulsed.

As the bell went, she dashed out of class, her ebony shining in the afternoon sunshine. I couldn't help but admire her. She was tall 5'11 to be exact. Her curvy figure envious and her lips, I couldn't help but want to kiss them all the time.

"**I feel terrible!" **I cried my head in my hands at our lockers.

"**Me too" **Quil and Jake said. I looked at Jake slightly. He was my best friend but I hated him a little. I knew how much Alyss loved him even if she never said it out loud. I saw the look in her eyes and the pain she went through every time he chose Bella.

"**I wish we could just say hi, or just smile at her! Curse Sam, can't he see through our thoughts how bad it's hurting us!" **Quil exclaimed passionately.

"**Obviously not" **Jake replied sadly. He had mentioned talking to Alyss as he had Bella but as I told you we didn't know if she knew the legends. I really dislike Bella.

We came into the cafeteria just to hear Alyss swear at Keira, sigh and punch her really hard. I stood gobsmacked as Keira flew into the wall. Lis than smiled, a smile I had never seen before. It was evil and not her at all, I realised I was seeing a side of Alyss that she usually kept hidden and as scary as it was, she looked so hot.

The three of us ran over to her, worried she could be hurt.

"**Are you ok, Lis?" **Jacob asked concerned. She looked up at him furiously, her eyes stormy and grey. This was not good. But as well as those thoughts was the realisation that Jacob was looking at her with a mix of wonder, admiration and love. She was his whole world but the joy that he had imprinted was short lived. He had only ever wanted Bella and I was furious inside because I knew he would fight it and only hurt Alyss more. Not only that; he had imprinted on the one person I had always loved.

He hugged her and she relaxed. I thought maybe just maybe she would forgive us for what we did. But as soon as he let go, she seemed to realise that she was about to yell at him.

As she opened her mouth, none of us realised the colour of her eyes. It wasn't until later that I realised her eyes had turned violet and by than it was too late to ask about it because I knew it would take a long time for her to forgive me and open up to me once more.


	3. Punished

**Alyss POV: **

Jacob looked like he expected me to forgive him. This was infuriating after what he had put me through all these years. He looked at me in apology.

"**I'm so sorry Lis – "**I let it all out. I slapped him, not even caring how much it hurt my hand, or how hard it was for me to slap him despite the love I think he had in his eyes looking at me. A bit like I was his sun? No he can't have imprinted on me? No way….. But he didn't even try and step away.

"**DON'T YOU GO APOLOGISING TO ME THINKING IT WILL ALL BE OK! I HAVE CRIED OVER YOU THREE!" **I screamed slapping the other two for good measure. They looked so scared and I was too angry to realise it was probably because of my eyes.

"**YOU HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO ME IN WEEKS! FOR GODS SAKE GROW A PAIR AND AT LEAST TELL ME YOU DON'T WANT ME AROUND!"**

All three began shaking and I had to stop myself from telling them that I knew everything.

"**YOU'RE GOING TO JUST STAND THERE AND SHAKE AT ME! REALLY? THAT'S ALL!" **I took a deep breath, closing my eyes to make them go back to normal grey. _Think calm,_I thought_, __calm, calm, calm._

"**Look, I get it. You guys have better choices in friends now, you don't need me. You have a better life and family. Just please tell me next time." ** I couldn't help but notice how sad Embry looked at my declaration. This made me sad, painfully sad, like I needed to comfort him, hug him anything. He was like a brother to me after all.

I did none of this of course just turned and walked away, ignoring their calls and pleading. Just walking from everything I had known, into the unknown and the lonely disasters that surely awaited me.

**Embry POV:**

I watched as she walked away. There was something she wasn't telling us. I think that something died in me as she walked away. Quil and Jake looked at after her sadly. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Right before my eyes the love of my life (that I was destined to never have) had just told me she felt as if we wanted new friends. That we no longer wanted her to keep us in line.

I wanted to scream to her that it wasn't true. I loved her and the others did to, just not in the same way. As Alyss distanced herself from Jacob he lost a soulmate and Quil lost a sister; we all felt the loss harshly; breaking our hearts jaggedly into two. I was shaking in fury, of what I had done. Although one could argue that it was Sam's fault, it was I who did not check to see if she was my hearts darling. If I am to quote Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights.

I only just made the tree line before phasing. I ran as fast as I could, trees blurred into a mass of green and my thoughts became a jumble of Alyss's face. Her pain filled eyes, all those times we spent together and the moments when our eyes met. The times when we went to the movies and I almost kissed her but then thought that a guy like me could never get a girl like her.

A tugging sensation began in my heart and I knew it was because Alyss was so far away.

**Alyss POV:**

I was home finally, at the end of a long day but my hardships were not over yet. I don't mean to generate pity only the fact of what I would get tonight. Max would be over soon and with nowhere to run to and nowhere to stay out; it was inevitable that I would get hurt, like so many times before.

There had always been one thing I had never told my friends. The reason for my bruises, those were not usually on my face. He didn't want it to be obvious but sometimes they couldn't help showing. Maybe I'd missed a couple in my scouring. Whatever the reason, often they saw some. I had nearly run out of excuses by the time they had left me. I couldn't keep saying I fell when it was very obvious I wasn't clumsy. I was quite good at sports, basketball being my strong suit.

So as you my reader have undoubtedly figured out I am abused. I was a strong person and didn't like showing weakness but who can really be strong when it is their father who does the beating. The one, whom you would look up to as a young child. Who was supposed to hold you when you cry or threaten the guy on your first date.

Who could come out of the brutality of that situation unscathed? I am sure I am traumatised. I am certain of one thing, the boys could never know, for as long as I could help it.

Finishing up my homework took me no time at all and before I knew it I was sweeping the house for any dust particles and dirty furniture. When I was sure everything was ready and Max's dinner was in the oven I quickly set about having mine. Normally he would come home before I could have anything but, I knew that tonight since it was past 8 he would be hammered and while my digestive system would be happy, the rest of my body would not.

So it was as the clock struck 9 he slammed through the door, slipping over the threshold and laughing drunkenly as blood ran down his arm where he had cut it. I stayed out the way hoping not for the first time that just for tonight he could forget me. That he could forget he had a daughter he liked to beat. It was not how fate planned the night, so as per usual I had to go back downstairs to clean everything up before the hitting began.

"**IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" **He screamed at me. I frowned uncomprehending.

"**I'm sorry sir, I don't understand." **I said quietly trying not to provoke him anymore.

"**Alayna…SHE IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!" **Than he slapped me right in the face. Tears prickled my eyes but I refused to give in. I refused to show weakness as I had done so many times before. Alayna Caitie Boadicea was my mother and we didn't have the same last name as my father. Her name meant beautiful pure warrior. This fitted her to a T. She died when a drunk driver drove through a red light and she tried to save the old lady on the crossing. She was coming to pick me up from school. I was 12 and I saw everything. My father was never the same. He used to be the best father a girl could have.

Ever since than my dad has said it was my entire fault and until now I had accepted that. But right now after all the shit I had been through these past weeks I didn't even care how much he said about me I was not taking his crap any longer.

"**NO IT'S NOT! BLAME THE DRUNK DRIVER! CALL IT CHICKEN SALAD! WHATEVER IT WAS **_**NOT **_**MY FAULT!"** I screamed right back. He looked at me incredulously ready to hit me again. Oh shit what had I done? Than fury bubbled over and he scrambled away as my eyes turned violet. I was pissed.

"**This is not how mum would have wanted you to treat me. I know what she was to you but it was not my fault." **He raised his hand my words not yet sinking in.

_I watched her walk up the stairs. I smiled to myself. Alyss was strong, just the type of girl for me. We would live for an eternity together. I would make sure of that._


	4. Devastation

**Alyss POV: **

His hand was raised to strike me again and I found myself unafraid of the offending hand. I waited eyes open for the pain I would bear in silence. It wasn't as painful as expected. He growled a little annoyed that I had not yet shed a tear. He pushed me to the ground and kicked me in the stomach a couple of times. I groaned lowly as a sharp pain ripped through my abdomen and nearly had me screaming. He left me there alone and in pain. I wasn't crying and I was proud of myself for that. I got off the ground and made my way slowly up the stairs; wincing at each stumble in my step.

My room was like a safe haven to me. It was the one place he never went into. I was grateful for this because it was the one place I knew I could be without being afraid and that at least gave me some kind of chance to compose myself. I had my own bathroom courtesy of Max who didn't want to have to see my face until after school. He was gone at 6 anyway to who knows where. I think he works as a bartender but I wouldn't know.

I stumbled into the bathroom and had a good look at my stomach and face. There would be bruising on my face tomorrow but that could be easily covered. My stomach was red and bruising already. I prodded my ribs gently, they hurt but I doubted there was lasting damage. No broken bones at least.

I hopped into the shower. The hot water made me feel a little better but it also gave me time to think. I had no friends, a father who beat me and knowledge of something I never should have known. Not to mention a boy who was always on my mind but there was no chance he would ever love me. Although I swear he imprinted on me; problem is I think he'll try and fight it. Maybe I am just destined to die old and alone.

The thought that even my soulmate wouldn't love me hurt more than any beating I had ever gotten. The one person who was supposed to love me even if I was the lowest, dirtiest human being didn't love me. Alyss Magtelt Boadicea an innocent girl whose life was shit and not what all those fairytales cracked it up to be.

A tear slid down my face and with it began a torrent on salty water. I slid to the ground as reality set in. I was what I had always been told; worthless, a waste of space, unlovable. Everything _he _said I was. With that in mind the tears fell harder as my heart broke. It was ripping in two and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I gripped my torso as if to keep it from falling apart but there was nowhere to run and hide; nowhere to seek solace and comfort. I was all alone; wallowing in my misery.

Somehow I managed to get myself into bed. The tears stopped after a time and so it seemed did my heart. I was still there but my conscience was detached; almost as if it were sleeping but still going through the motions. I couldn't find it within myself to blame anyone but me. I wasn't good enough; that much was obvious. I just wished that my knight in shining armour could come and sweep me off my feet; taking me from this life and into another.


	5. Past

**Alyss POV:**

I awoke to the sun streaming through the window. I gazed in wonder as it illuminated my wall. When my mother was still alive it had been her ambition to make my room a lasting masterpiece. She was an amazing artist. 2 of my walls had a sunset painted on them and when the sun hit (if it did) it looked real. My ceiling was painted to depict the night sky.

For someone who was beaten and neglected my room made me look like I lived a fairly cushy life. It took up half of the top floor; which only had another guest room; a spare bathroom and a hallway. My dad slept downstairs which was a relief.

My wardrobe was right next to my door (built into the wall) and splattered with random bright coloured paint. Just to make my room layout clear. It has 5 walls. 2 have the sunset painted. One is across from my plain gold wall which has king size bed against it. My bed is covered in a gold bedspread with silver embroidering and matching pillows. The headboard was a chocolate brown as was my bedside table. The sunset wall across from my bed has a long glass desk against it.

The wall right next to my bed is another sunset wall, it has nothing on it. The wall next to that across from my wardrobe is a complete glass window. Against it is a large window seat which I could practically sleep on. That was my favourite part of my room apart from my bookshelf.

Above the glass desk is a painting of my mum and me. The bookshelf is on the other side of my wardrobe (not that it had much room left).

My floor is covered in cream carpet. My room hasn't changed since I turned 11. My mum and dad were rich. Dad still is but he blows what I can't save on booze. Dad doesn't know what my room looks like which is amazing because I am sure if he did he's probably kick me out of it. In fact he never actually comes upstairs.

I took a long shower; wincing as a sharp pain shot through my ribs. I looked in the mirror and grimaced at the purple bruise blossoming over my right cheek. The process of covering it took a while but by the time I was done you wouldn't know anything was wrong unless you stared at me really hard.

I applied mascara, tugged on my neon multi-coloured skinny jeans; a long woollen top; boots and a beanie before trudging downstairs to have breakfast. There wasn't much in the pantry or fridge and I cringed at the thought of having to go to the supermarket after school. If I was late he would surely kill me. I was racing around panicking when I noticed a note on the bench.

_Alyss,_

_I am going away for a week;_

_When I come home the house will be_

_Clean and my food will be on the table._

_Max_

Beside this were the times of his flight. He'd be home by 7 it seemed. I smiled happily when I realised I had the house to myself for a whole week. I should probably miss him since he's my father but…

Logically I should love my father. On the contrary I hated him. I know people would look at this and wonder. I am not expected to love my tormentor but generally one is meant to love their father unconditionally. I would leave him in a heartbeat; but where would I go?

Two days before Jacob, Quil and Embry left me I had been planning to tell them everything. I was going to ask if I could stay with one of them until I got back on my feet. Then Jacob told me we couldn't be friends. My world was shattered; the memory began to surface in my mind.

_*Flashback*_

_Where was he? He hadn't been at school for two weeks! I missed him. Embry was already gone but Quil was still around; I saw him at his locker._

"_**Quil! Hey, want to come over tonight?"**__ I asked as I ran over. We both relied on one another now that the other two were gone. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Jared and Paul watching us. From Quil's body language I knew he'd noticed too. _

"_**I'd love to but my mum said she needed help at the diner tonight. You could stop by maybe? I could use the company." **__I smiled happily, nodding. Perfect; this would mean staying away from home for longer._

_I looked at Quil suddenly sad._

"_**You won't leave me right Quil?" **__I asked. Letting him see for once; the fear and vulnerability; in my eyes. _

"_**Of course not Lis; I promise." **__He had told me what I wanted to hear but it rang fake. In my heart I knew that with all the attention he was getting from Jared and Paul meant that soon he too, would leave me. _

_After school I knew I had to face Jacob. I had see for myself the state he was in. I hadn't worked out their secret yet but I was close. The puzzle pieces were falling into place and it was only a matter of time before I worked out the mystery that was Sam Uley's gang. _

_I took my motorbike to Jake's. I was 16 and was allowed to drive it. There really weren't many restrictions in La Push. I'd called Billy several times already and although I was like a daughter to him and he like a father to me. He still lied; that stung deeply. It also made me certain that whatever they were hiding was big. It also didn't help that every time I called and Billy said he was sleeping or sick I would see him running around with Sam and co. _

_I vaulted off storming to the door. There was no answer to my vigorous knock so on a hunch I walked silently to the garage. Jake was there in all his glory. He was taller at least 6ft 5, and broader than I remember with big muscles and his abs prominent since he had no shirt on. He had a strong jaw, prominent cheek bones and russet skin had me staring shamelessly. _

_I had always had the gift of a silent step. Consequence of having to walk on egg shells around Max. He didn't notice me until I was right inside 3 metres in front of him and only because I coughed to signify my presence. I dreaded what his facial expression would be. _

_He looked slightly happy to see me at first but then he arranged his face into a blank mask. My heart stopped; his face was a carefully controlled mask and he would not look me in the eye. I imagined that they would be blank; unfeeling and cold. I reeled back in shock there was no warmth in his face for me. For the first time he scared me. He didn't seem human._

"_**What are you doing here?" **__he snarled. I stepped back a bit but found new resolve ignoring the part of me cowering in fear. _

"_**I came to see you" I replied. "I was worried about you. I haven't seen you in two weeks and Quil is freaking out." **__That struck a nerve. For a fleeting moment he looked sad at the prospect that Quil and I worried about him. Then it was gone._

"_**Go home Alyss." **__It was straight forward blank and he used my full name. He had never before called me that. I looked at him hard noticing that he still refused to look me in the eye._

"_**No. You have ignored me enough. What is going on?" **__He took a deep breath. _

"_**We can't be friends anymore Alyss. I don't want you here. Go home." **__Tears filled my eyes. He seemed to realise this and his voice became gentler._

"_**I can't be friends with you Alyss ok? Please go before you get hurt even more." **__I was about to open my mouth to protest or maybe it was just to cry and scream but someone cut me off. _

"_**Hey Jake are you out there?" **__His face lit up like a Christmas tree. My heart punctured a little as I saw the tall brunette walk into the light of the garage. Bella Swan was allowed in my best friends life but I was not. _

_*Flashback ends*_

After that I had just walked back. I didn't say anything or go and see Quil like I had said I would. I called him of course saying I didn't feel well. It was also the day I began to hate Bella Swan. For a week Quil and I hung out and tried to forget our missing friends but soon he left me to. I vowed only a month ago that I would not shed another tear for them and so far I had broken that vow 3 times.

By the time I got to school; most people were already gathering their books. I hopped off my bike gracefully smirking at the envious glances from most of the male population. My good mood however stopped quickly. By my locker stood none other, than the infamous; Jacob Ephraim Black.


	6. Never Let Me Go

**Alyss POV:**

I tried to ignore him as I made my way to my locker. I kept my head held high; trying to seem defiant and haughty at the same time.

I opened my locker as if he wasn't there.

"**Alyss?" ** Stopped what I was doing upon hearing that beautifully smooth voice. I worked hard to keep my heart rate even; there was no need to let him know the effect he had on me.

"**Yes Jacob?" **He flinched. That's right I could full name him too! I looked into his eyes refraining from kissing his beautiful lips. He opened his mouth to say something but his face went suddenly blank.

"**Stay away from me." **With that confusing statement; he stormed off. I almost began laughing hysterically at the absurdity of this situation.

Sighing I picked up my books and trudged to class. English was one of two classes I had without Jacob and the only class without any of the boys. I walked in gladly; happy to be without their smiling faces if it was only for an hour.

English came and went as was normally the way. French came around quickly and before I knew it I was walking slowly to my seat next to Embry. It was a terrible seating arrangement but I had no choice.

"**Morning Lis." **I jumped. What was this? Confuse Alyss day? I stared at Embry in complete shock; gaping at him in surprise. I composed my face quickly.

He smirked; amused.

"**Embry." **I nodded at him signifying that I didn't think he deserved no other form of consideration.

Sadness flitted across his face for a moment; I ignored it there was no point over thinking something that had no basis.

Despite my cold front Embry spent the entire lesson trying to speak to me. It was maddening! On one hand I wanted to forgive him and be great friends again but on the other hand I wanted to hate him. It was frustrating how much inner turmoil those three boys invoked in me.

When the bell rang I breathed a sigh of relief. Before I could leave however a warm hand stopped me.

"**Do you want to sit with us at lunch?" **He had gone beyond shocking me now. It took me a while to compose my reply.

"**Why are you doing this Embry?" **His face fell slightly; that made me feel bad; which was ridiculous.

"**I want us to be friends again." **He said as if that made all the sense in the world. My theory was proven. He could speak to me now because I was an imprint. The idea that I could now be accepted was too good to discard; so I bit the bullet and gave in, so to speak.

I sighed. If only they knew how much I know.

"**See you at lunch." **I called smiling slightly as his face lit up. I turned on my heel and walked (or should I say danced) out the door.

Science was gone before I knew it. That was a first for me because science really wasn't my forte. I nearly ran/ danced to the cafeteria where I knew the pack was waiting. I tried to be angry at Embry and everyone but it was too damn hard.

I slowed my steps at the doors, suddenly anxious. What if this was all a prank? What if they had lied? AGAIN? My doubts flew out the window however when Kim saw me and patted the seat next to her. I had never really talked to Kim before but I was grateful to her. Maybe I could be friends with her. God knows I needed a girlfriend.

"**Hi Alyss I'm Kim. It's nice to meet you." **She sounded sincere and before I knew she was standing up and pulling me into a hug. I grinned; I knew I liked her. She gave me one of those bear hugs, not one of those 'I'm kind of hugging you…' that I hated.

"**Well Kim I knew I always liked you. Please call me Lis." **She smiled warmly at me. I looked beside her at Jared.

"**You must be the infamous Jared. It's a pleasure." **He laughed and I fist bumped him. I turned to Paul who was of course smirking in that cocky way of his.

"**Oh my gosh! Paul how nice to meet you! Please call me any time my bedroom door is always open." **I winked for good measure letting him know I was only joking.

The boys howled in laughter as he floundered in embarrassment. He didn't shake at all which was surprising since he was terrible at taking jokes most days.

Jacob didn't come for half of lunch time so I had relaxed and begun laughing and talking with everyone as if we were old friends. I fit in here and that made me feel happy, the first time in weeks. My good mood soon vanished though.

There _he _stood in all his glory. I remembered what he'd said earlier and I knew he did too.

"**Jacob." **I nodded as if him being there didn't ignite butterflies in my stomach that almost had me gasping for air.

"**Alyss, I thought I told you to stay away from me." **He growled out. I held my head up as if I wasn't dying inside at the thought he didn't want me around. Kim gasped; this made me a little more determined. I didn't want anyone's pity; I was strong and I could fight my own battles.

"**You don't own me Jacob. You certainly don't have the right to go bossing me around after the way you've been treating me. FYI Embry asked me to sit with them ok? If you can't deal with that than back off." **He looked a little bit shocked. I was too. I was normally quite a level headed person but I was breaking all the rules now. If I was going to rip up my heart I may as well do it thoroughly.

He sat down and began speaking to Embry. I turned to Kim.

'**I'm going to the bathroom." **She nodded a knowing look in her eyes as she watched me go, she would probably end up following me anyway. I could feel eyes watching me as I walked to the door and I turned. A flash of white went by near one of the windows but it was gone so quickly I thought I had imagined it.

I walked into the bathroom and burst into tears. As silently as I could I slid down the wall and put my head in my hands. It felt like someone was sticking their hand through my chest and ripping at my heart but instead of finding my heart they had found a cold hollow hole that could not be fixed.

The door opened next to me, not wanting to show weakness; I pushed the hurt into a dusty box, locking it for future use.

"**Lis? Honey, come here." **I looked at Kim and I ran into her arms. She hugged me tight; like she'd never let me go.

"**Why Kim? Why does my own soulmate hate me?" **I sobbed into her chest not realising that I had given myself away. She looked at me incredulously. I was getting those looks a lot lately.

"**Embry told me you always knew everything but not even he suspected you knew their secret." **I gave her a weak watery smile. She sighed.

"**He'll come 'round Lis. He loves you, trust me. Before he met Bella you were everything to him and he'll realise; don't worry." **She whispered soothingly to me.

"**I hate Bella." **I whispered brokenly; knowing that as long as she was around Jake wouldn't be.

"**I know sweetie I know. I do too." **I was feeling much better after I heard that she had the same views on my situation.

"**Thanks Kim." **I said gratefully. She just smiled and handed me a box of tissues.

"**I think you should go and speak to Leah Clearwater. She would be able to help you better than I or anyone else could." **I brightened at that. Everyone thought Leah was a bitter harpy who had nothing better to do than ruin everyone else's life. I knew better. I don't think anyone had actually had a proper look into her eyes but me. She was hurting; always in pain but no one seemed to understand that, no one seemed to see the hurt in her eyes. No one saw the pain she thought would never go away.

Kim gasped suddenly and stopped her work on cleaning up my face. I looked at her confused before staring into the mirror and grimacing. I had forgotten about that. I turned quickly to her snatching the foundation and slapping it on top of my bruise as fast as possible.

"**Alyss You tell what that was right now!" **I flinched, at the horror in her voice. I hung my head, planning to use the standard excuse of 'I fell' or 'I ran into a tree'. Her face stopped me. I hadn't had a trustworthy friend in so long. Not even the boys had known.

I brought my head up and looked her right in the eye.

"**Do you really want to know?" **I asked.

"**Yes." **She replied matching my intensity.

"**My father." **I stated simply. She looked like that was what she had suspected.

"**Where else?" **She whispered. I sighed lifting up my shirt reluctantly. She hugged me gingerly; leading us out of the bathroom. The bell rang and I found out she was in my next class and the one after that.

I sat with her in those classes. We never spoke of the incident; fearing the wolves would hear us.

I gained a friend and a confidante today. Not only that, everyone but Jacob was accepting me. Although it was his approval that I craved most; it would do, for now. Now all I had left to do was heal from the pain and that meant I had to go and see Leah.


	7. Happiness?

_A big shout out to all of my wonderful reviewers and readers. DeanLover, momoxvolturi and Rashell (who has reviewed every chapter). You guys (and those who story alert-ed or favourite-ed) are the reason i keep writing. Thank you everyone! x Valkyrie Shadow_**  
**

**Alyss POV:**

Seth had said Leah would be home alone. She obviously wouldn't be patrolling than. Walked to the door and knocked lightly. There was no answer, I walked around the back and looked into the trees.

"**Leah Clearwater, get your arse out here so I can speak to you." **I had decided the element of surprise was my best bet.

I could hear the patter of feet, alerting me to another's presence.

A beautiful young woman stepped out of the trees. She was tall; maybe 6ft; about the same height as me. Her raven hair was cut to just above her shoulders, almost blue; probably to make phasing easier. Her envious figure was obvious in her cut off shorts and tight singlet. Her face was blank; neutral but no less stunning. Her wide brown eyes were sceptical under slim brows, watching me; her full lips pursed in anticipation.

"**I am Alyss Magtelt Boadicea. May I speak with you?" **I was being painfully formal but now that Leah was before me, I didn't know what to say.

"**Jacob's girl." **She sneered as if to ward me off. I grimaced; a fresh wave of pain shooting through me.

"**You don't fool me Leah." **She raised an eyebrow contemptuously.

"**I know how much you hurt because of Sam and the opinions of others. You hide behind a bitchy wall because that's how you deal with what happened. I know how much sharing a mind with the man you still love would be almost unbearable. I know what it must feel like to be the only she-wolf. I know what it feels like to watch the man you love be with another woman." **She gaped at me like a fish (I've been getting those looks a lot lately). Quickly she snapped her mouth closed; her face once again transforming into one of indifference.

"**You know?"**

"**I know everything." **She looked at me, calculating.

"**Come inside." **

I walked into her house and to her room appreciatively. I realised as I stepped into her room that I had been granted some kind of trust by this complicated individual. Leah's room was not what I expected of someone so hurt. It was big and spacious. Like mine it was basically bare; with little decoration and almost no indication of her personality.

Her walls were a warm brown colour, making me feel safe as soon as I walked through the door. There was a picture on her bedside table of her and Sam. It was not ripped or ruined. It looked harmless enough but I knew it reminded her every day of something she lost but never wanted to forget.

"**Why are you here Alyss Boadicea?" **I smiled slightly.

"**Did you know that your name means 'weary' or 'sad eyes'? Fitting, no?" **She looked suspicious.

"**I am here because I thought you could help me and I could help you." **She looked confused. I sighed.

"**How do you know everything about me? About the pack?" **She asked fiercely, discarding her earlier question. I smiled gently.

"**I went looking. I found a little blue book that told me everything. There are also clothes lying around the forest." **She nodded.

"**How do you think you can help me? I don't need help!" **She tried to sound biting. I had expected that answer the moment implied she needed help.

"**Yes you do Leah. You suffer every day. I see you around; that pain that never quite fades. You think you're stuck being the pathetic ex-girlfriend. You're bitter because you've been hurt and it hurts you more to see those people happy, while they forget you." **A tear escaped her eye. I looked around her room again, paying more attention to detail. Throughout the room were many photos of her dad and brother but none of her mother.

"**Your mother sides with Sam doesn't she?" **I whispered to her. Her head shot up. She looked me dead in the eye and I could see the tears she held at bay by sheer force of will.

"**Yes she does. She never understood what it felt like to have the person you love ripped away from you. Even when my dad died she still didn't understand the desperation. She could never understand why I didn't give **_**Emily **_**my **_**cousin, **_**my blessing." **Her voice did not waver; this I admired. In her reminiscing she still proved how strong she was.

"**Well I can help you there. My own soulmate hates me; I am therefore a complete screw up." **I mused sadly. Leah surprised me by pulling me into a hug. I put my arms around her cautiously and she started to cry. I patted her back and squeezed her tighter; whispering comforting words in her ear.

I couldn't help but wonder how many people have actually seen the emotionless Leah Clearwater cry. I sensed I was now a friend of hers and I was insanely grateful to Kim for telling me to come here. Maybe, just maybe Leah and I could help each other get over people we never should have fallen for.

"**Sorry about that, you just made me remember everything I had felt and I just couldn't help it. Thanks for not running for the hills." **She smiled weakly, rubbing her eyes. I smiled.

"**It's fine Leah, I am here to be your friend and to talk. Cry as much as you want." **She nodded gratefully.

I talked to Leah for hours and ended up staying for a sleep over. It turns out she lives right next door to me anyway. I didn't tell her about my dad though. That was the only thing I kept from her. The problem was I hadn't yet asked if she could hide her thoughts from the boys. Until I knew the answer to that question I would not risk having the boys freak out.

School came around quickly and before I knew it I was pilling into Leah's car, rubbing my eyes and cursing the early hour. **(AN: for the sake of this story Leah is 17) **We were joking and laughing as we got out of the car. (Well In my case, I fell because she thought it would be funny to push me.) People were staring at us, amazed at Leah's transformation.

A kid bumped into her and she nearly fell over.

"**Sorry, sorry!" **He said frantically, scrambling away from Leah as if she might bite. (Before today she probably would have.)

"**No blood, no foul. Here let me help you." **Leah said smiling, while picking up his books. He looked up at her in awe before smiling cautiously and taking off. The whole parking lot was silent. I burst into laughter at the look on one guys face. I pointed it out to Leah and she poked me in the ribs telling me I was rude.

It was the best feeling, finally laughing once again. I couldn't help but hope it lasted, even though I knew it wouldn't.


	8. Don't you Dare

**Alyss POV:**

Kim came up to me in first period. We sat together; not really listening to the droning of the teacher.

"**So? How did it go?" **I knew immediately what she was referring to.

"**Yeah; I ended up sleeping over." **Kim smiled widely.

"**Awesome. When were you going to introduce me?" **I smiled leading her over to Leah who was leaning casually against the far wall. She raised an eyebrow at me.

"**Leah, Kim, Kim, Leah." **I said motioning to the two of them. They nodded their heads and then Kim hugged Leah so hard; the she – wolf was gasping for breath. The awkwardness was gone by then and Kim, Leah and I talked about everything. I knew we would be great friends from now on.

The school day came and went. I sat with Leah and Kim at lunch. We all ignored the wolf boys (even Kim ignored Jared, I know I was surprised to), for that I was grateful.

After school, Kim dragged me to Emily's, so I was to meet the pack mother and father. Yes you heard right; I did just dorkily say that.

I loved the house as soon as I saw it. It was a dark, pine wood house; two story and surrounded by the forest. It looked like it was supposed to be shrouded; hidden from view. I knew if I was to live anywhere else I would live somewhere like here. As much as I hated my dad and what La Push had done to my family, I knew I would never leave. Jacob couldn't leave, so I never would. I accepted that a long time ago.

The boys had gotten there before us; thankfully without Jacob. I could hear their booming voices laughing rambunctiously inside. Kim walked in ahead of me without knocking. I thought it was impolite to do so but followed her in anyway; shutting the door behind me as I went.

The hallway was long and in a way quite daunting, for me anyway. It led into the kitchen on the left and the lounge on the right. The back door was directly in front, paving a neat and obvious way to the forest for quick phasing I assumed. The voices stopped as I walked in. I was by no means a shy person, so I took it in my stride.

"**Emily; how lovely to meet you! My name is Alyss." **I strode forward to shake her hand but she pulled me into a hug. I flinched at first, I was not used to people touching me without it being painful.

I pulled back smiling before moving to my next target.

'**Sammy! Pleasure to meet you at last." **He grimaced.

"**It's Sam actually." **He said, shaking my hand. I shook my head playfully.

"**Nope, I think I shall call you Sammy." **Laughter ensued before me. Sam shook his head; defeated.

I became acquainted with everyone's imprints throughout the evening. I met Paul's girl Rachel, Collin's girl Elly, Brady's girl Meghan; Seth's girl Valerie and I met cute little Claire, who I adored and loved playing with.

As dinnertime was approaching I went in search of Emily.

"**What's cooking good lookin'?" **I asked. She laughed at me, but her forehead creased in a frown.

"**I don't know! I am out of ideas."**

"**Go rest I will do it." **I pushed her out the door.

"**Are you sure?"**

"**Of course I need to show off my skills." **I teased playfully. She nodded and walked out.

I had exactly 3 hours to do with the kitchen what I wanted. I got to work.

I rifled through Emily's cookbook. I decided on chicken salad; potato bake; garlic bread; roasted vegetables; vegetarian lasagne and for desert I would make lumberjack cake. I knew the Lumberjack cake recipe off by heart.

It was a lot but the boys ate heaps and I didn't know if someone was vegetarian (I suspected someone would be) or allergic to something.

I began making the cake as the dinner was in the oven. Emily came in as I was putting it in the oven as well.

"**How are you doing?" **From the look on her face, other people had attempted to cook and burnt something, or maybe poisoned someone. I smirked at the thought.

"**Bring everyone in." **I replied, bringing out everything and putting it on the table with all the plates and cutlery.

I surveyed the packed table. There was enough food to feed a small army and that was exactly how it needed to be.

The boys and Leah came in so fast, I nearly shat my pants.

"**Ladies first!" **I yelled hitting stray hands with a wooden spoon.

Kim, Rachel, Emily, Leah, Meg, Val, Elly and Claire, wasted no time in getting food. The boys quickly followed. I grabbed mine from the counter where I had put it aside for this very reason.

"**Thanks Alyss, how did you know I was vegetarian?" **Rachel nodded appreciatively.

"**I had a hunch someone would be." **I replied, grinning.

I looked over at the boys who had dug in immediately.

"**This is amazing." **Embry moaned through a mouthful of potatoes. I laughed and immaturely thought - foodgasm.

"**This is almost better than Emily's." **Jared sighed. The others murmured in agreement.

"**Foodgasm" **I whispered to Kim, who cracked up immediately.

The moment did not last. The door slammed open. Jake stepped through; rain dripping down his sculpted torso. I put up my own brick wall. My mask was firmly in place once more.

He came and sat down; eating without acknowledging my presence. Everyone began conversations once more, occasionally throwing Jake disgusted looks.

"**Thanks Emily." **Jacob said through a mouthful of food. What is wrong with their manners? Jesus they seem to have no respect for the stomachs of those around them!

"**Actually, Alyss made it." **Emily said expectantly. Talk stopped for a moment; but far from getting a thank you all I got was a grunt.

"**You're welcome." **I said sarcastically. He stood abruptly; shaking. I was suddenly angry. What right did he have to be angry at me? I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't ignore him!

"**Don't just stand there and shake at me, Jacob Ephraim Black!" **I spat. **"What right do you have to be angry at me!" **I shrieked.

"**IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" **He screamed back. That sent me reeling. My dad had said that to me last night before beating me. I shook it off.

I was filled with rage and sadness. I finally snapped.

"**I didn't ask to be imprinted on you giant fur ball! I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you like Bella is, ok! Don't you dare for one second think I made this happen, ARSEHOLE!" **

I was met by astounded silence. I turned tears falling as my chest heaved with sobs. I ran out of the house through the pouring rain. Fuck my life.


	9. Lies and Accusations

**Jacob POV: **_from the very start_

I had imprinted on my best friend. I did love her; I did but not in the way I should. I couldn't, Bella was everything to me; even more so now that I knew everything about her life. No; I did not love Alyss.

I watched her back as she walked away; feelings began stirring in me as I watched her slim form. Maybe- No; Bella was the love of my life, Alyss was not. I told myself this again and again but who was I kidding? Deep down I knew that if there was a choice I would pick Alyss. I knew however that I would fight for Bella until I couldn't any longer and I hated myself for that. I hated myself for the lies I would believe and the pain I would cause.

The worst part is that I know what I am doing. I know what will happen and I will let it happen. I have noticed the way her form is to thin; how her bruises seem to multiply every time we somehow made her late for something. I didn't press it; I suspected something but I couldn't pry.

I hate myself; that is what got the anger rolling. Suddenly with no forewarning it wasn't me I was angry at but the very person that I was supposed to love. It was her fault; all her fault. If I didn't imprint on her I could still love Bella without feeling guilt; If I didn't imprint on Alyss than Embry wouldn't be angry at me.

I wasn't stupid; I knew that he loved her. Fate was cruel and it had mixed us up. I was damned if I would let fate stop me from the one thing I always wanted. Bella would be mine and if Alyss couldn't deal with that; than too bad.

Deep down; I knew. I knew how selfish and ridiculous I sounded but right than? I just did not care. All I could feel was anger and nothing else.

_Next day – the locker incident_

I waited for her. I was going to tell her that I was sorry for ignoring her and that we could be friends. Despite what I wanted I knew that Alyss would always and should always be part f my life. She could be my friend and that was all. I realise I keep changing my mind but it hurt to push right out of my life.

I watched as she walked up the steps to the door. She was slower than usual and her eyes showed pain. Upon seeing her I gasped at her beauty. I pushed the feelings down; they weren't real, they were wrong and untrue. I chanted Bella; over and over in my mind.

"**Alyss?"**

She saw me and her forehead creased before her face took on an indifferent look.

"**Yes Jacob?" **

This pained me and I knew she noticed. I opened my mouth to say what I had rehearsed in my mind today but I couldn't do it. I couldn't say it. When I looked at her I saw Bella; I saw what she could be with me and I saw the leech. Red tinged my vision.

"**Stay away from me." **She looked confused and honestly I was too. What kind of a statement was that? The day past extremely slowly.

Lunch came around and I took my time. I was in no mood to see Embry with everyone and take his hurt glance at the way I was treating our best friend. I got to the table towards the end of lunch and who should be there but Alyss. I guess I shouldn't be surprised I mean when has she ever actually done something when asked if it was stupid without reason.

I walked up and conversation stopped this shamed me. It made me angry at what I had done.

"**Jacob." **She nodded as if I being there didn't make her heartbeat speed up. That's right I could hear it. It ignited butterflies in my stomach but I put them off as something I had eaten.

"**Alyss, I thought I told you to stay away from me." **I growled out; still angry at they way the pack thought of me now. Kim gasped; this made me uncertain. What was I doing? Alyss stood abruptly and I noticed the fire in her eyes.

Something else I noticed was the changing colour of her eyes from that gorgeous grey to a furious violet. It was quite disconcerting.

"**You don't own me Jacob. You certainly don't have the right to go bossing me around after the way you've been treating me. FYI Embry asked me to sit with them ok? If you can't deal with that, than back off." **I was shocked. She was too. Alyss was normally quite a level headed person but obviously I had pushed her way too far.

I berated myself as she stormed off to the bathroom; Kim following close behind; but not before she came up to me.

"**I hope you're proud of yourself Jacob Black. You are ripping her apart; all for some leech lover who will never love you. No one else will tell you this to your face but I am sick of watching you hurt the ones around you. Make up your fucking mind." **With one last glare she disappeared after Alyss. I was dumbfounded. Kim just swore and got angry. Jared looked just as shocked. I went to sit down and they let me; but no one spoke to me and I understood why; I had managed to hurt my family as well.

It was worth it though. If I loved Bella they couldn't do anything about it.

_Two days later – Right before the scene at Emily's house._

I was in the garage when I got a pleasant surprise **(AN: I realise I never said this. This story is set during eclipse but I have changed the dates of the phasing to fit in with the freshness of Alyss's knowledge.) **Bella was there; waiting for me.

"**Bella!" **I cried giving her a bone crushing hug. I didn't really feel right but I ignored the idea that I wanted someone else's arms.

"**What are you doing here?" **I asked as I set her down.

"**I am just here to see my best friend." **She said smiling. **"Why? Do you need to be somewhere?" **I did actually but I'm sure Em and Sam won't mind.

"**Of course not." **She laughed

"**Guess what happened the other day?"**

"**What?" **She replied playfully.

"**Embry imprinted."**

"**No! On who?"**

"**On Alyss." **It was a lie but I didn't want her to know what had really happened. I didn't want to ruin any chance I had with her.

"**The girl he loves?"**

"**Even more so now." **We laughed. After that we talked for ages; but couldn't help but feel like I actually should be at Em's for something.

By the time Bella had left it had started raining and I was famished. I put everything away and ran to Sam's. I realise as I came in I may have slammed the door a little too hard but that was over ridden by the fact that Alyss was in the room.

Conversation had stopped and I sat down quickly digging in. It was different from what Emily usually cooked. It was actually better than her normal which I didn't think was possible. Her cooking was already amazing but this was just incredible.

I picked up some cake and I knew that Emily couldn't have cooked this. She just couldn't have.

"**Thanks Emily." **I said through a mouthful of food.

"**Actually, Alyss made it." **Emily said expectantly. I nearly choked on my food as talk stopped for a moment; of course Alyss made it. Lumberjack cake was her specialty. She said her and her mum used to cook it together before she died.

I grunted.

"**You're welcome." **Alyss said sarcastically. I stood abruptly; shaking. Rage consumed me for no reason. I realised I was alienating my soulmate and I hated it because I didn't want her to be my soulmate. I wanted Bella; so I did something I was great at. I began to blame somebody else.

"**Don't just stand there and shake at me, Jacob Ephraim Black!" **She spat. **"What right do you have to be angry at me!" **She shrieked. I was taken aback for a second but in anger i retaliated.

"**IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" **I screamed back. She looked hurt for a second but I saw the rage and sadness that filled her eyes. She opened her mouth.

"**I didn't ask to be imprinted on you giant fur ball! I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you like Bella is, ok! Don't you dare for one second think I made this happen, ARSEHOLE!" **

I stopped short as she ran out the door crying and sobbing. I wanted to go after her; tell her I was sorry and that I didn't mean it but I frozen.

She knew?

"**She knows?" **Jared asked no one in particular. Kim spoke up.

"**Yes, she has known since you phased, she told me so. Nice going Jacob now you've sent her to her own personal hell." **I was confused at the last statement. I knew she would know because Alyss always knew everything. She was extremely observant. But that statement threw me.

Her own personal hell? What does that even mean?

The pack began talking amongst themselves again; every once in a while though someone threw me a disgusted look. I had severely fucked up.


	10. Secrets Out

**Alyss POV:**

I slammed the door hard as I stormed through. I slid down the door in despair. My heart was ripping, tearing; jumping out of my chest; all because of that boy. I got up and made my way towards the kitchen; ready to whisk away my sorrows in the form of baking.

The light turned itself on as I got there. It scared me but not nearly as much as what was illuminated. Max stood proudly in front of the oven, a cruel smile on his cold lips. I took a half step back in fear. I berated myself. I was strong and I would not show fear; besides what did I have to lose? My soulmate hated me, my dad beat me; my mum died and that meant I was a complete fuck up.

"**Where is my dinner, girl?" **I simmered angrily at the use of the word girl. I got out pots and pans.

"**You weren't supposed to be here until tomorrow." **

"**If you had been here to listen to my voicemail, you would know." ** I cursed inwardly. Of course; I hadn't been home for two nights. I should never have gone anywhere near Jacob's friends; it was a bad idea and only seemed to make him hate me more. That was the last thing I wanted.

I started boiling water but before I could get far, the oven was turned off and Max grabbed my arm pulling me into the living room. There were beers everywhere; I counted 10 and I could have screamed. 10 meant a severe beating and anymore could mean forgetting who I truly was; if you know what I mean, and I think you do but just to clarify; he might think I am my mother and he their relationship was as intimate after 14 years of marriage as it was when they first met.

Now you know what I mean. He pushed me onto the couch hard. I couldn't let this happen. Every time he went off his head like this I had managed to wheedle myself out of it. It was getting harder and harder to do so.

I jumped off the couch quickly. This made him angry but it got his mind of anything sexual he might do. He pushed me over once more; kicking me and kicking me until I could barely breathe. I made a move to get up but he knocked my legs out from underneath me in a hard sweep. My head hit the floor as my dad walked up the stairs laughing; my vision going fuzzy as I tried to keep my eyes open and my brain functional.

I grabbed my phone and speed dialled the first number which just happened to be Leah.

"**Hello?" **She asked. I tried to speak but it was really hard.

"**L….Lea…Leah. My…house…now….don't….tell…boys." **I managed to get out. There was a knock on my door before I had finished my sentence.

"**Alyss? Alyss! Open up!" **I groaned in response. Leah broke the door down and ran in; gasping as she found me on the floor, almost immobilised. The commotion had woken Max and he came storming down. I knew he wouldn't care if he hurt Leah, she was beautiful and he would do his worst.

"**Why hello. Why don't you come here beautiful." **He pulled Leah towards the couch. She struggled, I knew she was a shape shifter but my dad was really strong; abnormal for a human.

I had to get up. I couldn't let this happen, not to Leah. I wouldn't let him hurt anyone but me.

I got up painfully; hissing as I felt my obviously broken ribs. Adrenaline was pumping through my system as I ran as quickly as I could through the door, ignoring the pain. Leah was struggling on the couch as my dad tried to get her shirt off and take off his pants at the same time.

"**Get off her!" **I somehow found the voice to scream. He looked up startled and I used that as my window. I tackled him, screaming as the impact put a searing pain through my body.

As he squashed me, I looked up and saw Leah, crying on the couch. I failed to miss the pack storming through.

"**Get off me, you bastard!" **I croaked as menacingly as I could at Max. He just sneered. I managed to get an elbow in his face.

"**You are my daughter! You do as I say!" **He yelled as he held his face and grabbed me, punching me again in the ribs. I couldn't take it; I screamed bloody murder as my already broken ribs got hit once again.

"**Run." **I said to Leah, she was frozen, shocked at what she was seeing. I turned around, painfully; hardly able to stand. I waited for the next attack. It never came, my dad was knocked out cold and Jake was standing over him.

I whimpered slightly as I swayed. I pulled up my mask; no matter how much it hurt or how much I wanted to pass out. I was stubborn and being stubborn meant I didn't want Jake to see me as weak. I stood up straight, ignoring how hard it was.

"**Lis are you ok?" **I wanted to roll my eyes and demand Embry take me to a hospital because something was definitely broken but I ignored the feeling.

'**I'm fine." **I replied, proud that my voice didn't shake. I took a step towards a still frozen Leah….and fainted. I guess I couldn't stay standing.

**Leah POV:**

I was so angry. I couldn't believe Jake would do something like that. It was just so dumb and inconsiderate. I dumped myself on the couch. My phone rang.

"**Hello?" **There was no answer just heavy breathing. I went to hang it up but Alyss's voice came over the phone. I jumped up and ran to her house (down the street. This was La Push after all) before she could speak a word.

"**L….Lea…Leah. My…house…now….don't….tell…boys." **I gasped. What happened to her?

"**Alyss? Alyss! Open up!" **the door was locked and I was getting frantic. All I got as a response was a groan. In true Leah fashion, I knocked down the door and nearly fell over.

Alyss was a heap on the floor. I could tell that her ribs were broken and the gash on her head didn't look too great. I ran towards her hut was stopped by her dad. I sighed in relief, at least now she would be in safe hands. I was wrong.

"**Why hello. Why don't you come here beautiful?" **He pulled me towards the couch. I struggled, he was so strong. I couldn't break free. He must not be human! I looked at Alyss; she could be dying if I didn't get her to a hospital.

"**Another one to play with. Alyss should bring you around more often. Now I can have something more, something that doesn't disappoint me." **I shivered in disgust and struggled harder. I managed to get a hand on my phone and dialled Seth's number. He would hear everything. Alyss's dad was trying to take my shirt off but it wasn't working.

I heard a hiss from behind me. It sounded like someone was getting up. Max managed to get his pants off. Tears fell from my eyes. I whimpered and struggled.

"**Get off her!" **I heard. Max was thrown off me and I saw Alyss tackle him on the floor. He squished her. I wanted to move, to help her. I was the shape shifter; I should be protecting her, yet even with the broken ribs and everything she had shown she was stronger than me.

Alyss screamed, in pain. I could hear in my phone, panicked voices and everyone rushing to the house to get us. They stormed through the door, taking in my form, curled into a ball, flinching every time Alyss screamed and berating myself at the fact that I couldn't move. I couldn't help her.

"**Get off me, you bastard!" **Alyss croaked as menacingly as she could at Max. He just sneered. She managed to get an elbow in his face.

"**You are my daughter! You do as I say!" **He yelled as he held his face and grabbed her, punching Alyss again in the ribs. I couldn't take it; I flinched and made a move towards her but she looked at me.

"**Run." **She said to me. It killed me; I couldn't believe that I wasn't helping her. I was so shocked and traumatised. I had always prided myself on being strong and now I was weak. Seth wrapped his arms around me and I relaxed into them as Jake knocked Max out.

I whimpered slightly as she swayed; pulling up her mask as she realised Jake was here; no matter she stood up straight, ignoring how hard it was.

"**Lis are you ok?" **Embry asked. What a stupid question. Couldn't they see that she was about to pass out.

'**I'm fine." **She replied, Her voice didn't shake. I admired that. She took a step towards me, still frozen and fainted. I fell off the couch towards her. The boys stood around.

I was finally thinking straight.

"**WHAT ARE YOU ALL STANDING HERE FOR! GET HER TO A FUCKING **_**HOSPITAL!**_**" **I screamed. They jumped into action. I carried Alyss out; tears fell from my eyes at every step. She had sacrificed a lot for me. I owed her my life and my innocence. I would do anything for her.

I hugged Seth for dear life as I watched Carlisle wheel her into a hospital room. She was with the best. I just hope they could make her alright and when she wakes up; I hope she can forgive me for my cowardice. I hope she can forgive me for not jumping in when I should have.


	11. Change of Heart?

**Val POV:**

I woke to a blindingly white room. I would have thought that hospitals would know that white was not a comfortable colour to wake up to when you have a pounding headache. For God's sake, it's just so bright.

I opened my eyes slowly once more. It wasn't so bad this time. Looking around; I noticed a sleeping Leah, I felt guilty as I realised I wanted a different person here with me. I pushed the thoughts away; he did not deserve anything from me; although I did need to say thank him for saving me.

My thoughts strayed to last night's incident. My head was still a little bit fuzzy; but I could remember most of what happened. The pain in my ribs was reminder enough. I looked at Leah again quickly; my heartbeat speeding up as the full force of what could have happened hit me.

The urgent beating of the heart monitor awoke Leah; sending her into to panic.

"**Leah, calm down! I am alive and fine.' **She burst into tears suddenly.

"**I thought I'd lost you Al." **She was the only one I allowed to call me Al.

"**You can't get rid of me that easily." **I smiled weakly. She continued to sob. I patted the blanket beside me, scooting over to make room for Leah. She came and laid down next to me. I hugged her tightly, rocking her like a baby.

"**I'm so sorry Al." **She said quietly. I looked at her sharply.

"**For what?" **

"**You asked for my help and I just sat there; frozen. You had to save me. I failed you. I'm so sorry. You nearly died because of me. You screamed in pain because of me." **Fresh tears fell gracefully down her cheeks.

"**It's not your fault Leah. It never was and never will be. I'm just glad you are ok." **I really was happy it was me and not her. Leah was family; nothing would happen to her if I had anything to do with it.

"**Why?" **I raised an eyebrow in question.

"**Why didn't you tell anyone? Me or the boys?" **She amended. I looked out the window; deep in thought. Why didn't I tell anyone? I didn't even tell Jacob; although I did tell Kim.

I took a deep breath.

"**I thought I could change him." **My voice took on a pained tone. **"Before my mother died, he was the best dad a girl could have. I guess I was holding onto the man he was and not seeing the man he had become." **I was proud that my voice did not waver; it sounded strong and steady; even to me.

I smoothed Leah's hair back. I was so happy she was ok. Not a scratch on her; better me than her.

"**Why didn't you run? Why didn't you let me take him?" **I looked at her surprised. I would never leave my friends.

"**You're like a sister to me Leah. I would never leave you; especially not at the hands of my dickhead of a father. I won't let anyone else take the brunt of his torture."**

"**Thank you Al. Thank you for saving me." **I smiled down at her; snuggling into my pillows with my arm around her.

"**Sleep now Leah." **I replied, noting the bags beneath her eyes. Not a second later she was out.

I followed her soon after.

**Jake POV: (who's been waiting for this one?)**

Leah rushed out of the house so fast. She managed to glare at me for half an hour before that though. My heart gave another jolt. Pain blossomed in my ribs; I cringed in pain. What was going on? I couldn't help but think it had something to do with Alyss.

Seth's phone rang.

"**Hello?" **No one answered but I could hear shouting in the background.

Someone was whimpering and struggling.

"**Get off her!" **I heard in Alyss' voice. Alyss screamed, in pain.

"**Oh my god. We have to get there!" **Seth screamed hysterically, taking for the door.

"**What the fuck is going on in there!" **Paul yelled. We stormed through the door. I froze at the sight before me. Leah was curled in a ball on the couch. Seth rushed to us. There was a piercing scream and our focus shifted to see a bruised and battered Alyss being squished by her dad. I was frozen in shock; as was everyone else.

"**Get off me, you bastard!" **Alyss croaked as menacingly as she could at Max. He just sneered. She managed to get an elbow in his face.

"**You are my daughter! You do as I say!" **He yelled as he held his face and grabbed her, punching Alyss again in the ribs. I couldn't take it; I flinched and Ran to Alyss; getting a fist in her father's face.

"**Run." **I heard Alyss say to Leah. I paid no attention. I only cared about the anger I felt for the disgusting man hurting my imprint. I hit him again and again. He was knocked out now but I wanted to kill him.

It was an animalistic desire borne from the absolute terror he had given me at the prospect of what he had done to Alyss. I was especially angry at the realisation that this wasn't the first time.

I whimpered slightly as Alyss swayed; pulling up her mask as she realised I was here; no matter how much she hurt. I could see it and I felt so guilty. It was my fault that she felt the need to be strong around me. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and let her cry. I could see the pain she felt; even if she thought I couldn't. She stood up straight, ignoring how hard it was.

"**Lis are you ok?" **Embry asked. What a stupid question. Couldn't they see that she was about to pass out?

'**I'm fine." **She replied, her voice didn't shake. I admired that. She took a step towards Leah, still frozen and fainted. Leah fell off the couch towards her. The boys and I stood around not knowing what to do.

"**WHAT ARE YOU ALL STANDING HERE FOR! GET HER TO A FUCKING HOSPITAL!" **Leah screamed; jerking us into action. Leah carried Alyss out before I could get a hold of her. I growled lowly at the empty feeling in my arms; tears fell from Leah's eyes at every step.

I ran after them; jumping in the car and speeding all the way to Forks hospital. Leah hugged Seth for dear life as I watched Carlisle wheel her into a hospital room. She was with the best; I just hope they could make her alright and when she wakes up; I hope she can forgive me for what I said. I hope she can forgive me for not realising earlier what was happening. I hope she can forgive me for picking Bella over her and being a shitty imprint.


	12. Conflict

**Jake POV:**

I walked into the hospital room. Leah was there; cuddled up to Alyss. I felt a pang in my chest upon seeing her. I hadn't been there when she first woke up and for that I would be forever regretful. I couldn't believe I hadn't been there for her when she needed me to be. I couldn't protect my imprint, if that wasn't a complete fail; I don't know what was.

I wanted to wake them up and be with Alyss but I couldn't bring myself to ruin that peaceful look on her face with one of pain. A pain I knew I would bring her. I shut the door quietly; attempting to keep the silence in a room; it was as much for Alyss as for me. I don't want to face the damage I have done and I don't want to give false hope.

Did I want to change? Yes; but it's not that easy. I am worried that with Alyss now safe and relatively unharmed, I might go back to Bella if she calls or I see her. Somehow I think I am right.

**Alyss POV:**

The door opened quietly; I kept my eyes shut and my arm around Leah, but I knew who it was. That woodsy smell mixed with the noticeable aroma of cologne. It was Jacob, he was here and he checked on me. I did not let myself feel happy, I kept it back. I was misunderstanding. I would have to accept the reality that what fate wished was not right. If Jacob wanted Bella he could have her. No questions asked. One of us should at least be happy.

I whimpered slightly as the door closed slightly and his mouth-watering presence disappeared. Leah stirred.

"**Alyss?"**

"**Yeah?"**

"**That was Jacob wasn't it**." It was a statement. I sighed, wincing as my ribs stung.

"**Yeah." **

"**I'll go get him." **I snuggled into my pillows gratefully; Jake rushed to me.

"**Alyss! I thought I'd lost you." **He almost cried. I could see the tears held back in his eyes.

"**You can't get rid of me that easily." **I replied humorously. His lips twitched but nothing more. I winced slightly as I moved into a more comfortable position. I had hoped he wouldn't notice but of course he did. His hands fluttered uselessly over my blanket.

"**I'll go get you some more pain medication."**

"**NO!" **I whisper shouted; ignoring the pain that action gave me. I grabbed his arm and held on fast. I looked up at him; my expression frantic and desperate.

"**I know the imprint doesn't mean the same to you as it does to me; I know you love Bella and I respect that. I understand that you can never love me but please, today, just today, please stay here with me." **He nodded and lay down next to me.

I was almost under when I swear he spoke.

"**But I do love you." **I ignored it. I was dreaming; Jacob Black would never love me.

**Jacob POV:**

Leah came out to get me a minute after I shut the door.

"**She wants you Jake. Don't hurt her; she puts on a brave face but she can't take much more." **I wanted to yell. Why would I hurt her? How could I? But my track record spoke for itself, so I bowed my head; nodded and walked inside.

I didn't miss the way her face lit up as I rushed to her side.

"**Alyss! I thought I'd lost you." **I watched as mouth opened to form an 'O'. Apparently, me caring about her was surprising; to be quite honest it didn't shock me that she felt like that.

"**You can't get rid of me that easily." **She replied humorously. My mouth twitched but it was not enough to make me smile. I would not smile properly until she was better and away from this vampire ridden hospital. She winced; obviously hoping I wouldn't notice. I did; I waved my hands around, as if it would do something. I think it just amused her.

"**I'll go get you some pain medication." **I wanted to do anything to ease that pain and make her feel better.

"**NO!" **Alyss whisper shouted; ignoring the pain that action gave her. She grabbed my arm tightly, with much more strength than I would have expected. She held on fast. She looked up at me; her expression frantic and desperate. I felt tears well up again.

"**I know the imprint doesn't mean the same to you as it does to me; I know you love Bella and I respect that. I understand that you can never love me but please, today, just today, please stay here with me." **I nodded and lay down next to her. What else to could I do to a statement like that? I didn't even have the bravery to tell her she was wrong. I didn't say a thing and for that I will be forever regretful. She was wrong though; at least I think she was.

I spoke softly. She looked asleep and her breathing had evened out; I took my chances.

"**But I do love you." **I whispered, too low for human ears to hear it. Her forehead creased and for a second I thought maybe she had heard me and maybe, she would tell me she loved me too. It was not so, her forehead relaxed and she snuggled into my arm.

I tightened my hold around her waist and she sighed contentedly. I closed my eyes and dreamed of a perfect world; a world where I was not conflicted, a world with only Alyss and me.

_That stupid mutt! She was falling for him, if she hadn't already hit the ground. It was his entire fault that she was hurt. She wasn't supposed to be home at the time she was. She wasn't supposed to see her father at the time she did. He ruined everything, but I would get my revenge. Oh yes; Alyss would be mine forever. _


	13. Revelation

**Alyss POV:**

I got home a week later – well actually I'm living at Emily's – Jake had been to see me every day and because of that I had done something really stupid. I had begun to hope. I shouldn't and I didn't want to but it was hard not to hope when your soulmate made your heart beat fast and your mind turn to mush every time he looked at you.

So here I am sitting in my bed, unable to sleep. _Thump. _I jumped startled. My first thought was my father was home but I was at Emily's and the pack would never let him near me again. I didn't even know where he was seeing as he had disappeared and no one had told me where he was. This was actually one of the few times I had been without a body guard.

I slipped down the stairs silently; moving towards the source of voices which turned out to be the kitchen. I listened closely; trying to recognise voices.

"**Keep your voice down! Alyss is sleeping; she doesn't need to know this." **That was Jacob of course. I inched closer, intrigued.

"**Ok! Edward what happened and why?" **I pulled my phone out and checked the time. It was 11:29pm; I knew school had finished for the year today and Bella would have graduated. I thought she was having a graduation party? What was Edward doing here? In a pack house mind you.

"**I killed Victoria's mate because he was threatening Bella and you killed Laurent – her other ally – she wants to kill Bella, a mate for a mate." **I felt for Edward really I did. I couldn't understand why fate had given him that annoying girl. Maybe if she wasn't so into Jacob I might like her but she always got into all kind of trouble and she always dragged him with her.

"**Edward this isn't a good idea! You'll all get hurt!" **Speak of the devil. Bella's whiney voice piped up in the conversation. I gagged silently; stupid girl. I was curious however, what were they planning. I inched forward a bit more so that I didn't miss anything.

"**Alice said it would be snowing when they come. We need your help, we cannot take on a newborn army alone but we will understand if you do not wish to help us; it is dangerous and not your problem." **Edward said ignoring Bella.A newborn army? Oh my god this is bad. I know that newborn armies are very dangerous, what with the extra strength, thirst and reflexes that newborns have compared to older vampires, this could not only be detrimental to the pack but the Cullens as well.

I had a moment of intense anger, my eyes flashed purple, I could feel it. This was all because of Bella.

"**We have to help Sam!" **Jacob said quickly. I winced; I told you hope was a destructive thing.

"**Well it is a threat to La Push, this many vampires around." **Sam replied, agreement in his tone. No no no! This was not how it was supposed to be. If they go they may not come back. The imprints and I would never be able to get over that. You can't just find a soulmate and be expected to go back to how life was before they came and illuminated the sky.

"**We will teach you to fight them." **Edward put in.

"**We know how to fight leeches!" **Paul laughed mockingly. No one laughed with him.

"**Not newborns; they're stronger than those that have been vampires for more than a year. Jasper knows the most about them; he will teach you." **

"**3am tomorrow?" **

"**See you then."**

I crept back to my room silently. It was obviously serious; serious enough for them to allow the Cullens – who are vampires – over the treaty line and into a pack house.

I was a very quiet person; even with their werewolf capabilities they never heard me. I snuck up on them all the time for fun. At 3am tomorrow I would know exactly what was going on.

I woke with a start at 2:50am. I had no idea what had woken me but I'm glad it did. I rushed around tugging on black jeans; a black singlet; a black hoodie; beanie and combat boots. I stopped a moment in thought. Was spying really the right way to go? I thought back to the conversation I had overheard. They weren't going to tell me… It's settled, spying it is.

I slipped downstairs to find the boys outside phased and ready to go. I calmed my heart beat, I didn't want that to alert them. They took of fast and I am still amazed that I managed to keep up. It must be all that cross country.

I ran swiftly near them, not close enough for them to see me; hear me or smell me. I looked out for any twigs or branches that I could break in my path and continued on in silence.

The pack stopped in a clearing; I saw Emmett's massive truck and the whole family either sitting on it or standing around it. The Pack stopped at the edge, they didn't not move to phase back and I realised that although they agreed to be here they did not trust the Cullens one bit.

I walked quickly to the edge of the clearing; I watched as Edward deciphered their thoughts and acted as a translator. Jasper walked out, he was tall and strong I could see. Nowhere near as bulky as Emmett but intimidating none the less.

Jasper began showing them how to fight. After a while even I knew what you should and shouldn't do. They stopped for a moment and Jake went over to Bella who was sitting by herself at the edge of the clearing. He licked her face.

"**Jake!" **She laughed. Pain blossomed in my heart. I glared into the trees as I tried to quash the waves of hurt going through me.

I heard a whimper near me; unconsciously I stepped back as I saw Jasper bend over at the waist. Alice fluttered near him anxiously. Carlisle and the others came over quickly.

"**What's wrong? What's happening?" **They asked anxiously. I was intrigued but the pain was distracting me. They were all very close to my hiding spot now.

"**Someone is in pain. Their emotions are hurting him!" **Alice shrieked. I realised those emotions must be mine so I locked them up into a dusty box and tried to forget them.

Jasper straightened almost immediately. They all breathed sighs of relief just as a breeze hit me. Edwards head whipped to where I was hiding. I shrunk back, he would have smelt me.

"**Did anyone else smell that?" **Edward asked. The pack snarled in agreement.

"**Shit." **I breathed. Emmett blurred towards me. I jumped at the tree next to me and rushed up it.

"**The scent finished here. Where did it go?" **Emmett almost yelled frustrated. I almost scoffed. It? I am not an it. Edward cocked his head. Get out of my head! I mentally shouted at him. He flinched.

I didn't fancy my chances of staying up here all night so I slid down in near them.

"**Yeah it's me…" **I said from behind them. I was met by snarls which were abruptly cut off when they saw who it was.

"**How did you hide from them?" **Bella asked.

"**She has spirit magic from her mate and father." **I flinched at those words.

"**Your mate is Embry right?" **Bella asked. Pain shot through my heart once more and it must have shown on my face for a moment. I pulled up my mask and stitched up my broken armour. Obviously Jake had lied to dear Isabella Swan because he didn't want her to know that he was bonded to someone; that would hurt his chances with her of course.

"**No." **I said. **"My mate is Jacob Black." **There was silence.


	14. Second Choice

**Alyss POV:**

"**Jacob told me he didn't have a mate! You're lying." **Bella yelled. I couldn't help the pain that flitted across my face for a moment. I glanced at Jake whom I could see was trying to gauge my reaction at this new slice of information. I pasted on a fake smile watching as Bella looked at me in defiance.

"**Oh dear, looks like the rabbits out of the hat. I'm so sorry Jacob didn't tell you about little old me, not that it should matter to you, don't you have a mate?" **it was rhetorical but I could see she was going to answer anyway.

"**Yes I have Edward, I love him." **I stepped towards her slightly and no one moved to stop me getting close to her.

"**Well that's just great for you isn't it. Not only do you get Edward but you get Jacob too." **I was inches away from her now and she was looking at me in fear. I was furious, just looking at that girl I could see in my mind all the times Jake had come crying – yes crying – to me about her. I had comforted him and wished with all my heart that he would see the way I looked at him.

He never saw it. He always went back to her. My eyes glinted; her doe eyes widened at their sudden change in colour.

"**You don't see it do you dear Isabella? I watch the way he looks at you. He loves you by the way, did you know? Every day I have to watch him pursue you, and forget me; his own soulmate. You don't even see what you are doing to him! And now here you are looking at me like you have no idea what I'm talking about!" **I was breathing hard from the fury that was pumping through my veins.

"**I don't understand." **Bella whispered. My fury reared its big head.

"**I wouldn't expect you to." **I replied calmly, knowing that a moment from now that calm would be broken. **"You don't have to watch the love of your life go after another girl. You don't have to feel like a complete FUCK UP!" **With that I rushed away.

I ran and ran and ran. I ran like my life depended on it and in a way it did. I was running away from my life, my cares, and my family. I just wanted all my fears to fall away; I wanted to be 12 again, to see my mum and have a loving dad. I wanted Jacob to still be my best friend, us against the world.

But that wasn't possible. I looked around to see where I had ended up. The La Push cemetery, how fitting. I stopped in front of the grave I was subconsciously looking for.

_Alayna Caitie __Boadicea_

_Beloved wife and mother_

_She will be forever in our hearts_

_A hero to be remembered._

The cemetery was desolate and eerily quiet; exactly what you would expect a cemetery to be. Tears poured from my eyes as I stared at the gravestone in despair.

"**Why did you leave me!?" **I screamed at it. **"WHY!?" **Sobs racked my body and I sank to my knees but I wasn't done yet.

"**What do I do mum?" **I whispered in anguish.

Suddenly – in true La Push fashion – it began to rain. Big heavy droplets pelted down; soaking me to the bone. I didn't move. It didn't matter to me, soaking or not all I felt was pain. I couldn't hold it in anymore. It was consuming me; crushing me. I went back to one of my favourite memories involving Jacob.

_*Flashback*_

"_**Alyss! Lyss? Where are you?" **__I didn't want to talk to anyone; not even Jacob._

"_**Come down, please." **__His voice sounded right underneath my tree. I shook my head obstinately. He climbed up anyway and jumped back down with me in his arms – bridle style – my head on his chest, cradled in his warm embrace._

_He sat us down on the ground and looked into my eyes. I burst into tears. _

"_**Shh Alyss. It will be alright, I'll be here for you." **__I looked up at him hopefully, my tears drying up._

"_**Forever? Will you be here forever Jacob?" **__My 12 year old self asked._

"_**Of course."**_

"_**Promise?"**_

"_**I promise." **__I smiled in content, falling asleep in his arms._

_*End of flashback*_

That was the day of my mother's funeral. Now, exactly 4 years today, I was here again. That promise resonated in my mind. It was a lie anyway. All it did was shatter my heart into a million pieces. Jacob was all about keeping his word but this one promise, one that I cherished; was the one he could not remember.

I was shivering, gasping; the world a blur through my tears and the rain. Pain held me down, I was unable to move. My breath came out quickly, chest heaving. I began to see spots of blackness across my vision. I knew in my mind that I was probably going to faint and I knew that out here when no one knew where I was, that it was a bad idea.

Yet I couldn't help myself, I felt like the world was ending. A bit dramatic I know but I honestly couldn't see anything past the pain I knew I would feel for the rest of my life; thanks to my soul mates rejection.

So instead of listening to that voice in my mind that warned of the stupidity in what I was doing; I ignored it and embraced the warm oblivion that awaited me with welcoming arms and resigned myself to the idea that this was all I would ever get, because no matter how much I dreamed; I would always be the second choice. I knew in my heart that I could not live with that. I could not be that shoulder he cried on.

I wanted to be, the one he fought for, loved and cherished. I wanted to be the first choice. But I knew I never would be.


	15. Out in the Open

**Alyss POV:**

It was dawn when I awoke. I was muddy and wet; shivering in the icy coldness of the early morning. I sighed, no one had found me. I didn't really want anyone to see me like this; I didn't want them to see this atrocious falter in my hard façade. I never want weakness to be shown, yet I longed for a pair of warm arms around me. I long for the ability to cry without fear of being perceived as weak and stupid. I pulled myself from the muddy ground.

I was shivering, soaked to the bone and dirt covered me from head to toe. I couldn't go back to them like this, so I let myself into my old home.

I looked around at my old hell. It looked quite empty now. The furniture was still there but it was obvious no one had lived there for weeks now. I trudged upstairs checking out my old room. Everything was still in place except for the possession's I had taken to Emily's. Most of my clothes were also at Emily's but I had left some here, if the need arose for a quick escape.

I had a quick shower, using the spare razor and my favourite strawberry shampoo; I had missed it. Once the dirt was washed from my body I felt better. There is just something about being clean that is just so appealing. The warm water calmed me down as I did what we all do in the shower; contemplated the universe.

I stepped out once the hot water began to run out; wrapped in a fluffy towel, I walked back to my room; tugging on underwear; a bra; a white t-shirt; a faded pair of blue jeans; a grey jumper and black combat boots. I chucked my dirty clothes in the washing machine.

The bathroom was familiar and it made me feel better. I had missed my gorgeous room and adjacent bathroom. I blow dried my hair until my waist length ebony locks framed my face. My grey eyes stared out of my pale, clear face. I applied mascara and eyeliner, before stepping out of the house once more.

I grabbed my phone quickly from the table as I left. There were many messages; mainly from Emily and Kim. There were a few from Quil and most were from Embry but Jacob had not contacted me.

Tears filled my eyes; NO. I would not cry; I was above that. My mask was set; hardening into a cold, neutral and unfeeling expression. Once I was sure my wall was unbreakable, I set off and made my way to Emily's. I stopped at the door, my arm ready to knock. Should I leave? Do they actually want me here?

I knocked shrugging off my moment of uncertainty, I could rely on Leah at least; Kim to. I checked the time. 8am, maybe I should leave, it was a bit early. Before I could move however, the door was flung open and there stood Emily.

"**Alyss!" **She screamed pulling me into a very tight hug. There was a crash from within and pounding feet before I was engulfed in warm arms, everyone shouting my name in happiness. I hadn't been gone long but I couldn't say I wasn't pleased with their reactions.

A smile lit my face and I laughed with the pack; as Emily brought me in to give me food. Warmth grew in my chest and I was pleasantly surprised to recognise it as happiness.

I knew from experience however that happiness did not last. That had been proven over and over again. I was therefore not surprised when Jacob walked in and completely ruined everything. Everyone stopped talking and looked between me and him like a tennis game.

I kept my expression controlled changing it to a cold expression. I looked at him with no warmth or pain evident in my face. An expression I couldn't identify flickered across his face for a moment. Than his features rearranged and hardened; matching my own mask. It would have been comical had it no hurt so much.

"**Alyss. You're back." **He said emotionlessly.  
**"Yes, no thanks to you." **I replied in the same eerily calm voice.

"**It's not my fault you followed us." **Anger crept into his voice slightly.

"**True." **I acknowledged, inclining my head. **"But you could have tried to find me." **And that, I thought, was at the heart of the matter.

I was still seated while Jacob remained standing.

"**And why would I do that?" **I heard Kim and Emily gasp.

I smiled, there was no warmth in the smile.

"**Ah." **I whispered. **"I suspected as much. So how is Isabella after our little confrontation?" **I asked feigning concern and interest.

"**Bella." **He corrected. **"You scared her you know. That was very unkind of you."**

My calm exterior was slipping now.

"**She should not meddle where she is not wanted." **I replied dismissively. He opened his mouth to respond but I was ahead of him already.

"**Why did you lie?" **He looked taken aback and confused. Obviously he did not remember that lie.

"**Why did you lie about Embry imprinting on me?" **In a way I almost wish Embry did imprint on me. It would be so much easier.

"**I didn't want Bella to know I was destined to be with another when I still had a chance to be with her." **I knew it. I stood swiftly and gracefully; walking towards him.

"**You never had a chance with dear little Isabella. She will never love you Jacob Ephraim Black, she loves Edward Cullen and she always will. Anyone can see that." **I knew that hurt him but it had to be said, the truth hurts that is why one must be honest. I ploughed on.

"**All she has done is make you break your promise to me. You promised Jacob and you broke it, you broke me." **My voice was a whisper now; so small everyone had to lean in to hear me. 

"**What promise?" **Pain flitted across my face for a moment and suddenly I just wanted him to feel my pain; I wanted him to understand what he was putting me through. I quelled the feeling; I would settle for telling him what he had done to me.

"**Remember when my mum died? How you found me in that tree?" **He nodded thoughtfully.

"**You told me that you would be here for me forever and ever. You promised me Jacob." **He remembered now I could see it in his face.

"**We were 12. It doesn't mean anything." **I gasped unable to hold it in.

"**It means nothing. **_**Nothing **_**to you? That promise has meaning to me Jake! It means something to me." **My mask was fading, cracks were appearing.

"**Well it means nothing to me!" **He exploded and I couldn't help myself. I put months of anguish; pain and depression behind a punch that should have broken my hand.

Jacob Howled in pain as I, human Alyss Magtelt Boadicea broke Jacob Ephraim Black's nose. I stormed out my heart breaking in two; shattering in places I didn't know still existed. I collapsed on my bedroom floor and wished with all my heart that this wasn't real. I would go back to a time when Bella did not exist and Jacob was my best friend.

I fell asleep like that; curled in a ball under the bedclothes; my sobs being the only sound.


	16. Meetings

_Thank you to momoXvolturi , Taurus Pixie, Cew, Babyboonisha, .Devil, ArekWithlock, Emy2K11 and Guest for giving me great feedback. I made Alyss punch Jacob in the last chapter because of some requests and it felt right to me. It was about time she fought back. Thanks to everyone for the support I have been given for this chapter. _

_**ArekWithlock – **__sadly Alyss won't be destroying Jacob but he will get a great big shaking to see what he's doing wrong _

_**Emzy2K11 – **__Alyss won't become a wolf but she is something stronger than a human._

_Thank you everyone who have also previously reviewed who I have not mentioned. I hope you all like this next installation of Disillusioned Love._

_X Valkyrie Shadow_

**Alyss POV:**

I woke that morning with a new resolve. If Jacob wanted to fight the imprint then I could too. It was about time I got over the _Oh poor me _stage. I had been moping for far too long. I did not regret the punch I gave Jacob and it did not escape my knowledge that I had broken his nose when I should have in fact broken my hand. I didn't think much on that though; I was far more focused on the outrage on his face.

It should have made me sad and in a way it did but it also made me happy that I had gotten a reaction out of him. And if I couldn't love him, I'd have to hate him – at least outwardly – because if he wanted to date another girl than I could date another guy. As foreign as that was to me I was willing to see if I could be happy with someone else.

Jacob couldn't stop me; he no longer had any control over me. He was fighting against fate and by finding someone else I was helping him as much as me right? It would be easier for him to get on with pursuing Bella – even though he would never actually get her – if he thought I didn't love him. He no longer had any obligation to me.

I dressed to impress – I can't believe I just thought that – and for the first time in weeks I giggled at myself. I smiled widely, I had finally broken through the barrier of pain; the pain was still there of course but it was number less prominent and I could ignore it. I had a way to go before I healed but for now it would do.

I chucked on a white singlet underneath a flowing floral top, with denim shorts and vans. It was sunny outside for once so I left my wavy ebony hair down and lined my eyes in black which brought out the grey in them.

I danced down the stairs, singing softly to myself. It was my favourite song, innocent by Taylor Swift. I ended up barging in on a heated conversation between Sam and Jacob. I stopped short deciding to listen as they didn't hear me approach.

"**Do you see what you're doing Jacob?" **Sam shouted heatedly.

"**Why do you care Sam!? She is none of your business and what I do about the imprint is my choice!" **Jacob yelled back. I was very curious now. Obviously they were speaking about me and I agreed with Jacob that what he did was his choice, so why did Sam care?

"**You are part of this pack and therefore so is she. I will not have you inflicting pain on someone who is family; we look after our own Jacob and Alyss had been through enough already. She doesn't need you adding onto her list of issues." **I was touched but I didn't want the pack torn apart on my behalf. So I decided to intervene.

"**Sam, don't worry. Jacob had made up his mind. There is nothing you can do to change it. Let him go after Bella. It's what he wants." **They jumped at the sound of my voice. Jacob looked almost scared and Sam looked at me questioningly.

"**What-" **I interrupted him.

"**It's quite alright Sam. I'll be fine."** And I knew as I said it that it wasn't true. I would try but I was dubious.

"**If you're sure." **I nodded, and then clapped my hands in anticipation.

"**Breakfast anyone?" **There was a chorus of 'yes please' from the other room.

I walked into the kitchen to get started on what would be a massive breakfast. Someone walked in behind me and I knew instinctively that it was Jacob. I ignored him getting out pots and pans and grabbing ingredients.

I waited for him to say something but he never did. I sighed in exasperation.

"**Is there something you want?" **I asked sharply. He opened his mouth but closed it again quickly with an audible snap. I raised an eyebrow, an expression I loved. It made people squirm.

"**Well? Spit it out." **I began to turn away as it looked like he was unable to speak, he stopped me.

"**Thank you."**

"**For?" **I asked confused.

"**For allowing me to go after Bella." **I frowned.

"**Ok firstly; I didn't do it for you" **That was such a lie. **"I said it because I don't want the pack torn apart by something so unimportant and secondly; when have I ever stopped you from going after Bella? I expressed my opinion sure but I never stopped you. That was your own mind." **After my little rant Jacob was again speechless.

"**What do you mean unimportant?" **I sighed.

"**Jacob we are not the only ones that exist in the world. Therefore our problem – which you made quite clear held no meaning to you – is not important." **I looked at him long and hard and he squirmed underneath my gaze.

"**Now shoo, I need to cook and it would appear that I need to get to the supermarket ASAP." **With that I grabbed my purse called out to Emily, telling her where I was going.

I ran out that door before I was assigned a body guard. I normally couldn't go anywhere without a werewolf next to me. I jumped on bike sighing, I really needed a better mode of transport; ah well.

The supermarket was almost empty when I got there; I guess it is a Sunday afternoon. There were a couple of people I knew in there but I walked past pretending I hadn't seen them. I went in search of butter and upon finding it I promptly dropped it. I cringed as I waited for it to splatter as it hit the ground. It never did. A pale hand grabbed it and brought it to my hand. I looked up into the coolest eyes I have ever seen.

They were bright purple.

"**Are you wearing contacts?" **I blurted out without thinking. Real diplomatic Alyss. I chastised myself. He just chuckled at me.

"**I get asked that a lot but no; they're real." **I looked at him completely. He was pale; paile enough to be a vampire but somehow I knew he wasn't. I decided that I'd get to know the strange boy who looked no older than me.

"**Thank you for catching that. I'm Alyss." **I held out my hand.

"**Kendall, and your welcome. Could I interest you with a cup of coffee?" **I was surprised at how happy that question made me. I found myself answering.

"**Yes I would love that but I must finish my grocery shopping, got an army to feed." **It should have been a joke but I really did have to cook for people who ate like an army.

"**I'll help you." **He laughed. I inclined my head in thanks.

We went around the entire store and I filled two trolleys full; I began to doubt how I would get all this back to Emily's. At the checkout Kendall noticed my frown.

"**What's wrong?" **

"**I don't think I can take this home on my bike. It's too small."**

'**I can take you in my car if you like." **I know it's stupid to get in a car with a stranger but I couldn't help myself. I trusted him.

"**Thanks."**

On the way back we played twenty questions. I found myself comparing him to Jacob. _Stop that! It will do you no good. _I said thanks again and hoped out at the house; he grabbed my arm before I got the whole way out.

"**About that coffee?" **He hinted.

"**Sue's diner 1pm."**

"**I'll see you there." **I grinned hugely as he drove away; almost falling over from the many bags I had on my arms. Kendall said he'd bring my bike back as soon as he could so I walked inside happily.

"**Who the hell was that?" **Jacob thundered at me. Oh dear I am in trouble now.


	17. Oh God

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and to all the new readers! I would like to particularly single out momoXvolturi for a particularly long review; you are the reason I am updating straight away. Ok so this next instalment of Disillusioned Love has the new guy Kendall in it. Kendall is not a vampire and I don't know if you all got this but he is the secret admirer that has been around since the first chapter. I just needed to make sure everyone knew that._

_X Valkyrie Shadow_

**Alyss POV:**

I looked at Jacob coldly and it just masked my surprise at his reaction.

"**His name is Kendall, he is really quite sweet." **I didn't want to tell Jacob too much; it kind of pleases me actually to see him react so jealously.

"**When did you meet him!?" **Oh for god's sake this is turning into an interrogation and I didn't have to answer anyone particularly not Jacob.

"**None of your business. Jacob what is wrong with you? Stop send-" **His lips were rough on mine. I melted into the kiss and butterflies exploded in my stomach. My heart rate sped up as I kissed him back eagerly. I moaned and something in my brain started screaming at me. I listened to it.

"**Get **_**off **_**me!" **I growled at him. Wow the boys mannerisms were definitely wearing off on me. Jacob just smirked at me, which was _infuriating. _

"**He will never make you feel like that Alyss. He will never make your heartbeat the way I do and he will never be able to make you moan like I can." **As if in agreement my mind flashed to the feel of his lips in mine. I pushed the thoughts aside. He didn't deserve anything from me and any respect I had for him is now gone.

"**You are a sonovabitch Jacob Black and I fucking **_**hate **_**you!" **That was my idea of a defence and I think it was quite successful. I had never sworn so much in a week as I had this last couple of days. Jacob brought out the worst in me and that just proved that fate had mixed up; it was obvious we were _not _made for each other.

Jacob's face changed. It fell and became sad; softened and sombre. I could feel myself melting. _No! That will not happen. _I put up a brick wall, blocking the emotions that may forgive him. He was not worth my time.

"**Just give me time Alyss." **I snorted disdainfully I'd known him since the sandbox, was that not time enough? I laughed humourlessly.

"**I have given you time; I have been handing out second chances like it was free candy. Now I'll be getting on with my life and you are not part of it. Go find Bella or something you two are more suited to eachother then we'll ever be."** I walked graciously from the room, leaving Jacob standing gobsmacked behind me.

I had to finish the cooking and I really needed to get ready for my date, at least I think it's a date; I hope it is.

By the time I got to my room I was freaking out; by the time my wardrobe was on the floor I was hyperventilating.

"**Leah! Kim!" **They both ran through my door, I knew they were curious.

"**Whoa, where's the bomb?" **Leah asked, amused. I sighed.

"**I need help. I don't know what to wear!"**

"**Are you going on a date? With Jacob?" **Kim asked hopefully. Leah rolled her eyes she knew I wasn't going with Jacob.

"**No I am going with a guy called Kendall, I met him today and he was really sweet." **Leah looked dubious.

"**We have smelt a weird scent lately and I mean you only met him today. What if he's dangerous?" **Leah had a right to be concerned but I don't think Kendall was bad at all. I mean this was the first time I had met anyone whose eyes resembled mine. I have never seem that purple colour on anyone but myself and that made me really curious.

"**He is not a vampire or anything!" **I defended. Leah snorted.

"**No offence or anything Al but you don't have the best track record when it comes to guys." **I inclined my head in agreement but I still maintained the picture I had of him. He was human, normal; I needed normal.

"**What does he look like?" **Kim demanded, as ever the one for juicy details.

"**He's tall about 6'2; he's pale like me and he has dirty blonde hair. Oh get this, he has violet eyes! Isn't that just so cool?" **I sounded kind of dreamy even to myself which might explain why Kim and Leah looked at me knowingly. They both had smug smiles on their faces; I ignored it.

"**Will you to please help me now!" **They jumped into action.

Two hours later (who knew a lunch date could take that long to get ready for) I was dressed casually but not to casual with light make up but enough to make my eyes pop out. They were my favourite feature. My ebony hair was straightened so it fell down my back. I looked quite good if I do say so myself.

Leah and Kim surveyed their handy work and high fived. I laughed at the two of them. I descended the stairs and had the satisfaction of hearing Jacob gasp. I grinned hugely, it got –impossibly – bigger when I realised I was going on an actual date with someone!

My bike was outside as Kendall had promised and I went to get on it. I hesitated. It would ruin my hair wouldn't it?

"**I'll take you." **Embry stated. I nodded eagerly and made my way to his truck waving to the girls as we left. I was hyped bouncing around in my seat so much that Embry actually cracked a smile. I noted that he rarely smiled anymore.

"**What's wrong Embry?" **He looked at me in surprise.

"**Alyss you have always been observant, you always pick up on everything but you failed to notice one thing about me." **I was stumped; what on earth was he talking about.

Embry stopped the car outside the diner and turned to me.

"**I am in love with you Alyss." **I was speechless. I didn't know what to say to that.

I wanted to laugh and pass it off as a good joke but somehow I knew he wasn't lying, I mean it would explain everything he did. How much attention he paid to me, why he sometimes hated Jacob – I thought the reason had been Bella – and it would explain all those meetings of eyes moments. I turned away.

"**Embry you will imprint on the girl of your dreams one day and you will forget all about me. Promise me Embry that when you imprint you won't fight it." **I looked beseechingly into his eyes.

"**Promise me." **I demanded. He ran a hand through his hair.

"**I promise." **I nodded. I hugged him awkwardly across the car seats. He breathed deeply.

"**I have to go now ok? I love you too Embry just not in that way, I think you have always known that. Wish me luck!" **I called as I stepped out of the car and he drove away.

What a mess my life was in, honestly, Embry would find an amazing girl I knew it. Fate wouldn't be too harsh on him; I hope.

I turned running a hand through my straight hair nervously, before making my way through the café doors; towards what I hoped would be a highlight in my young life.


	18. Now your in Love?

_This is a long one guys__. Thanks again to all my reviewers and new and old readers, I hope this lives up to your standards._

_X Valkyrie Shadow_

**Jacob POV: **_The clearing_

I was still reeling from my reaction to Bella's problem. I knew I was – in a way – betraying Alyss by jumping to help her so quickly. I was also betraying my own values and I had already broken that promise I made to myself while Alyss was in hospital. My fears were coming true; with Alyss better and Bella still not knowing I had imprinted, well I felt like I needed to go after her again.

Jasper began showing us how to fight. After a while even I realised how much I hadn't known about fighting newborns. The vampires told this to us at great personal risk. We now knew the best ways to kill them and that could be detrimental to them.

They stopped for a moment and I went over to Bella who was sitting by herself at the edge of the clearing. I licked her face.

"**Jake!" **She laughed. I barked happily because I had made her laugh. In my heart the action was wrong and I was again at war with myself but I didn't let it show. Bella didn't need to know my inner thoughts.

I heard a whimper from Jasper across the clearing; I looked across in alarm. Vampires didn't get hurt and Jasper was bending over at the waist. Alice fluttered near him anxiously. Carlisle, the pack and the others came over quickly.

"**What's wrong? What's happening?" **we all asked anxiously. I was intrigued, what on earth was happening?

"**Someone is in pain. Their emotions are hurting him!" **Alice shrieked. Suddenly Jasper seemed to get better and he straightened almost immediately. It was like the person had heard us and shut off their emotions.

We all breathed sighs of relief of course. A cool breeze hit us and it felt really good. We were all quite hot out here in our fur and the breeze was a nice relief. Edward's head whipped to the tree line and he snarled. The smell hit us as well, it was familiar and I knew that I should know it well.

"**Did anyone else smell that?" **Edward asked. The pack snarled in agreement.

"**Shit." **someone breathed. Emmett blurred towards the trees. There was rustling and then quiet once more.

"**The scent finished here. Where did it go?" **Emmett almost yelled frustrated. I almost laughed at his childish reaction. Edward cocked his head, and flinched all in the same instant.

"**Yeah it's me…" **Someone said from behind us. I snarled but stopped abruptly when I saw that it was Alyss. What was she doing out here?

"**How did you hide from them?" **Bella asked. She took the words right out of my mouth.

"**She has spirit magic from her mate and father." **Edward supplied the explanation; Alyss flinched and I did too.

"**Your mate is Embry right?" **Bella asked. Pain shot through my heart out of nowhere. It must have come from Alyss and I studied her to gauge her reaction at the lie I told Bella. Alyss pulled up her mask that I had seen so often and any emotion that may give her away was stopped in its tracks. I could see the wheels whirling in her head as she worked out my motives.

"**No." **She said. **"My mate is Jacob Black." **There was silence.

"**Jacob told me he didn't have a mate! You're lying." **Bella yelled. I stared at Alyss trying – unsuccessfully – to see what was going on in her head. She glanced at me and pasted on a fake smile watching as Bella looked at her in defiance.

"**Oh dear, looks like the rabbits out of the hat. I'm so sorry Jacob didn't tell you about little old me, not that it should matter to you, don't you have a mate?" **it was rhetorical but I could see Bella was going to answer anyway.

"**Yes I have Edward, I love him." **That hurt, I cringed. Alyss stepped towards her slightly and no one moved to stop her getting close to Bella. I wondered what she was going to do.

"**Well that's just great for you isn't it. Not only do you get Edward but you get Jacob too." **She was inches away from her now and Bella was looking at her in fear. In my mind that made Alyss the bad guy. How dare she make Bella upset and how dare she ruin something that was going to be mine She was ruining everything I had planned. I was too caught in the moment to realise how petty that was.

Alyss's eyes changed; instinctively I knew we were in trouble.

"**You don't see it do you dear Isabella? I watch the way he looks at you. He loves you by the way, did you know? Every day I have to watch him pursue you, and forget me; his own soulmate. You don't even see what you are doing to him! And now here you are looking at me like you have no idea what I'm talking about!" **She was breathing hard from the fury. Guilt coursed through me as I realised that was all my fault but I didn't let it change my mind.

"**I don't understand." **Bella whispered.

"**I wouldn't expect you to." **Alyss replied calmly, I stepped back, sensing that she was far from being calm. **"You don't have to watch the love of your life go after another girl. You don't have to feel like a complete FUCK UP!" **With that she rushed away. I would have gone after her but I decided she didn't need me too. I had a feeling I knew where she was going and I knew it would be my fault.

I knew but I did nothing. I followed the boys and imprints home. I blocked out their worrying, I didn't need to feel any worse although they disagreed, they wanted me to feel everything I was putting Alyss through. In a way it was true but I was to caught up in what I couldn't have to see that.

_Alyss returns from the cemetery_

I heard voices in Emily's house. I had just finished my search for Alyss. She wasn't at the cemetery like I thought she would be; but her scent was strong there so I realised she must have left.

I decided she must be back here. So I walked in and completely ruined everything. Everyone stopped talking and looked between me and Alyss like a tennis game.

I kept my expression controlled changing it to a cold expression. She looked at me with no warmth or pain evident in her face. Pain coursed through me for a moment, it hurt to know I had caused the emotionless figure before me. I rearranged my features and hardened them; matching my own mask to hers. It would have been comical had it not hurt so much.

"**Alyss. You're back." **I said emotionlessly. Inside all I felt was relief.  
**"Yes, no thanks to you." **She replied in the same eerily calm voice. It was untrue but I didn't want to damage my pride so I did not correct her on that fact.

"**It's not my fault you followed us." **Anger crept into my voice slightly at the idea that one she had caught me out with Bella and two that she could have been hurt.

"**True." **She acknowledged, inclining her head. **"But you could have tried to find me." **I didn't say that I did and I should have. I should have told her that I didn't sleep because I was looking for her.

She was still seated while I remained standing.

"**And why would I do that?" **I heard Kim and Emily gasp. Why did I just lie? Why didn't I just tell the truth?

She smiled, there was no warmth in the smile.

"**Ah." **She whispered. **"I suspected as much. So how is Isabella after our little confrontation?" **she asked feigning concern and interest.

"**Bella." **I corrected out of habit. **"You scared her you know. That was very unkind of you."**

It was my way of venting my relief and anger at her being found and not having found her myself. My calm exterior was slipping now.

"**She should not meddle where she is not wanted." **Alyss replied dismissively. I opened my mouth to respond at how rude that comment was – even though I didn't care that much - but she spoke anyway.

"**Why did you lie?" **I was taken aback and confused, which lie?

"**Why did you lie about Embry imprinting on me?" **Oh, that one. How was I going to explain this one without sticking my foot in my mouth?

"**I didn't want Bella to know I was destined to be with another when I still had a chance to be with her." **I decided honesty was the best policy. Alyss stood swiftly and gracefully; walking towards me. I appraised her as subtly as I could. God she was hot when she was angry. _What are you saying, Bella's the girl for you! _I screamed at myself.

"**You never had a chance with dear little Isabella. She will never love you Jacob Ephraim Black, she loves Edward Cullen and she always will. Anyone can see that." **That hurt because I knew it was true. She ploughed on.

"**All she has done is make you break your promise to me. You promised Jacob and you broke it, you broke me." **Her voice was a whisper now; so small everyone had to lean in to hear her. 

"**What promise?" **I asked, at pains to remember any promise**. **Pain flitted across her face for a moment and suddenly I just wanted hold her, comfort her and say I was sorry;

"**Remember when my mum died? How you found me in that tree?" **I nodded thoughtfully. That was a bad day; I hated seeing her I pain.

"**You told me that you would be here for me forever and ever. You promised me Jacob." **My eyes widened as I remembered. I prided myself on keeping my word and that promise should have been the one I remembered most.

"**We were 12. It doesn't mean anything." **She gasped unable to hold it in. I just refrained from wincing because it was a lie. It did matter.

"**It means nothing. **_**Nothing **_**to you? That promise has meaning to me Jake! It means something to me." **Her hard exterior was fading, cracks were appearing.

"**Well it means nothing to me!" **I exploded, not thinking about what I was saying and putting the hatred in myself on her.

My nose was suddenly broken. Alyss pulled back from the punch that I should have seen coming. It didn't even hurt her.

I howled in pain as I felt my broken nose, it was bloody painful. She stormed out and I looked around as the others smirked at me. In their eyes I deserved it and looking back, I agreed. Leah smirked at me and Emily who was always kind hearted just threw me a towel and walked away without a second glance. Well I've fucked up even more than I thought I possibly could.

_Jacob's fight with Sam_

"**Do you see what you're doing Jacob?" **Sam shouted heatedly.

"**Why do you care Sam!? She is none of your business and what I do about the imprint is my choice!" **I yelled back. Truthfully, he was right and that's why I was yelling back so defensively.

"**You are part of this pack and therefore so is she. I will not have you inflicting pain on someone who is family; we look after our own Jacob and Alyss had been through enough already. She doesn't need you adding onto her list of issues." **I was stumped, it made sense and it also made me see that they all sided with Alyss which made me angry even though it was perfectly plausible that they should.

"**Sam, don't worry. Jacob had made up his mind. There is nothing you can do to change it. Let him go after Bella. It's what he wants." **We jumped at the sound of Alyss's voice. How did she do that? I was scared of what she may have heard. Sam looked at her questioningly.

"**What-" **Sam began she interrupted him.

"**It's quite alright Sam. I'll be fine."** And I knew as she said it that it wasn't true. She was putting on a brace face and I had caused it.

"**If you're sure." **she nodded, and then clapped her hands in anticipation.

"**Breakfast anyone?" **There was a chorus of 'yes please' from the other room, my stomach grumbled in response.

I walked in behind her and waited. I was just thinking – suddenly – how good it would be to have her in my kitchen when I bought a house; just watching her grabbing pots and pans made me stop in astonishment. I shook the thoughts off quickly; there was something I had to say.

She sighed in exasperation.

"**Is there something you want?" **She asked sharply. I opened his mouth but closed it again quickly with an audible snap. The image popping up again as she turned to me hands on her hips. She raised an eyebrow.

"**Well? Spit it out." **She began to turn away as I said nothing.

"**Thank you."**

"**For?" **She asked confused.

"**For allowing me to go after Bella." **She frowned.

"**Ok firstly; I didn't do it for you" **Understandable, I haven't done anything to expect that. **"I said it because I don't want the pack torn apart by something so unimportant and secondly; when have I ever stopped you from going after Bella? I expressed my opinion sure but I never stopped you. That was your own mind." **After her little rant I was again speechless.

"**What do you mean unimportant?" **I asked incredulously, did the imprint mean nothing anymore? She sighed.

"**Jacob we are not the only ones that exist in the world. Therefore our problem – which you made quite clear held no meaning to you – is not important." **She looked at me long and hard and I squirmed underneath that grey stare; it felt like she was staring right through me.

"**Now shoo, I need to cook and it would appear that I need to get to the supermarket ASAP." **With that she grabbed her purse called out to Emily, telling her where she was going and left, leaving me – wondering what just happened – in her wake.

_Alyss gets back from the supermarket_

It took forever for Alyss to get back – actually it was probably only 20 minutes – when she finally turned up she was not on her motorbike or alone. She was in a foreign truck with a _boy. _Feelings of jealousy rose inside me. She walked up to the door smiling. He made her smile, not me. She was happy because of _me. _Suddenly everything I had done to her – and how close to her situation with me and Bella I was now – flew out of my mind.

There was just me being protective over the girl I should love, who was grinning because of a boy I did not know.

"**Who the hell was that?" **I thundered at her. Her expression froze and I could see the makings of fury brewing in those stormy grey eyes.

She looked at me coldly and it just masked her surprise at mine at my reaction.

"**His name is Kendall, he is really quite sweet." **She didn't want to tell me too much; it kind of looked like it pleased her to see me react this way.

"**When did you meet him!?" **I sounded like one of those insanely overprotective boyfriends that you couldn't get rid of and as I watched her purse her lips as she began to respond I got an irrational desire to kiss the bejesus out of her.

"**None of your business. Jacob what is wrong with you? Stop send-" **Her lips were smooth on mine. She melted into the kiss and butterflies exploded in my stomach. Her heart rate sped up as she kissed him back eagerly. I moaned and was pleased to hear a moan from her, I growled in the back of my throat. It was almost a purr.

"**Get **_**off **_**me!" **She growled at me, pushing me off. Despite her being angry at me, there was something irresistibly sexy about her growling at me.

"**He will never make you feel like that Alyss. He will never make your heartbeat the way I do and he will never be able to make you moan like I can." **I growled at her. I had made my mark on her. Now when she was with him, she would think of me. It was selfish but I just couldn't help myself.

"**You are a sonovabitch Jacob Black and I fucking **_**hate **_**you!" **My face fell and my heart stopped beating for a moment. Again I felt like a complete fuck up; my reminder being the pain in my heart and the torment in my mind. I suddenly understood what Alyss had been going through and I now had a newfound appreciation for how strong she really was. I also had a newfound hatred of myself.

Why was I so stupid that I just didn't change the way I acted? I'd feel better wouldn't I?

"**Just give me time Alyss." **I pleaded. She snorted disdainfully, as she should. That line sounded stupid, even to me, but I had nothing else to plead with. She laughed humourlessly.

"**I have given you time; I have been handing out second chances like it was free candy. Now I'll be getting on with my life and you are not part of it. Go find Bella or something you two are more suited to eachother then we'll ever be."** She walked graciously from the room, leaving me standing gobsmacked – not for the first time – behind her. So I had messed up again this time by pleading when I had no right too. Life was complicated but I knew that it was my fault for the complication.

I realised something as her bedroom door slammed. I might actually be falling in love with Alyss Magtelt Boadicea; that was something that couldn't have come at the worst time. I wouldn't say _love _yet but it was coming, I could feel it coming to hit me like a freight train.

**Alyss POV:**

I walked through the door; looking around for that shock of blonde hair. I spotted him in a booth at the back of the diner. It was secluded and a great place to meet. I checked my clothes quickly one last time and walked confidently to him.

"**Kendall, hi." **I said when I was next to him. He jumped and I giggled as he realised I was there.

"**I didn't hear you coming." **He grinned snapping his phone shut rather quickly. I paid no mind to hit.

"**People rarely do." **I smiled. Looking at him, my eyes moved involuntarily to his lips and an unwanted image of Jacob kissing me flew into my mind. _Curse you Jacob to the darkest depths of hell!_

"**How can I help you?" **The waitress asked staring at Kendall. I didn't miss the way her eyes lusted over his tight T-shirt. I hadn't missed his bulging muscles either. As per usual I got protective.

"**So what do you want?" **He asked, smiling at me and not even looking at the pretty waitress that was undressing him with her eyes. I looked at the menu; it was about lunch time so I figured lunch was on offer as well.

"**I think I'll have a hot chocolate and a burger with fries." **I was never one to shy away from food and I had a sweet tooth; sue me.

"**I'll have the same." **He said smiling and handing her the menus.

"**So, I have to get to know you." **He stated. I rolled my eyes; my first guess is twenty questions.

"**What do you want to know?" **I asked playfully, with an accompanying wink of course.

"**Favourite food?"**

"**Hmm… snicker's Ice-cream."**

"**Favourite movie?"**

"**I don't have one but some of my favourites are the Harry Potter movies; I couldn't pick one." **He laughed.

"**Ok ok! Favourite book?" **I smiled, ahh he was a reader; Jacob wasn't, a continued sore spot.

"**Oh god, that's hard…it would have to be…The Amber Spyglass." **He looked surprised.

"**Now it's my turn." **He nodded at me to ask.

"**Favourite food?"**

"**I'm a sucker for white chocolate." **I nodded committing it memory.

"**Favourite movie/s?"**

"**The dark Knight." **Of course.

"**Favourite book?" **

"**Skulduggery pleasant." **Man I love that series!

"**Ok my turn again." **I grinned, this was actually really fun.  
**"Favourite flower?" **I laughed outright at that one. This was good for future reference.

"**A Lisianthus." **

We continued like that for a while and I found myself really enjoying his wise cracks and we had so much in common. After we'd had our meal and everything we went for a walk. We continued talking until I checked the time. I knew that everyone would be worried.

"**Kendall I should probably be getting home now." **He nodded as if he had expected this.

"**I'll drive you home." **I was about to protest but he put a long elegant finger to my lips.

"**I insist." **I nodded as I gazed breathlessly at his lips once more.

On the ride back I kept catching him staring at me and I blushed every time he caught me staring at me.

He held the car door open for me when we got to Sam and Emily's.

"**Apparently chivalry's not dead." **I smiled. He walked me too the door and as we stopped I looked up. I got lost in those violet eyes and my heart started beating really fast as he leaned in. He was so close I could feel his breath fanning my face.

His lips touched mine. It was nothing like the kiss Jacob gave me. It was sweet and gentle with a promise of more. It left me gasping and wanting more but it also ignited butterflies which gave me a warm feeling.

"**I could get used to that." **I whispered.

"**Me too." **He breathed. I smiled and closed my eyes resting my forehead on his.

I closed the door as he left. A goofy smile lit up my face and I danced – yes danced – into the lounge before falling on Leah's lap.

"**I'm guessing it went well." **Leah grinned at me.

"**You have no idea." **I replied happily licking my lips and tasting Kendall on them. Leah dragged me upstairs for a much needed gossip session.

I could feel Jacob's eyes on me as I went up the stairs.


	19. Extraordinary

****_I am so sorry for the wait! I have exams in a week and I had so much homework; this is the next installment of Disillusioned Love! thank you to everyone that reviewed and of course all my readers and favouriters/alerters! _

**Alyss POV:**

"**So? What was it like?" **Leah asked, grinning at me through the dark. We were in my room in my double bed talking. After the first time I spoke to Leah we had become tight friends, now lying next to her I couldn't believe anyone had ever called her an unfeeling bitch. Leah was one of the most sensitive people I have ever met and I don't mean that to be an insult to her strength; personally I think that it's an asset.

"**Well….Amazing!" **I exclaimed, still in the euphoria I had come home in. Leah scrutinised me and I blushed.

"**You really like him don't you." **It was a statement not a question. I contemplated for a moment.

"**I don't know if I do right now but-"** Someone – three guesses who? – barged into the room before I could finish the sentence.

"**What do you mean you like him!?" **Leah and I sighed at exactly the same time.

"**Here we go." **She mumbled under her breath. I smirked quickly at her, before glaring at Jacob.

"**You were eavesdropping! That is terribly rude of you." **I was secretly pleased that he had reacted so strongly to the idea that I might like someone else.

"**And for your information I never said I liked him. I didn't get a chance to answer before you barged in." **He had the tact to look sheepish.

"**Well… What is your answer?" **I honestly didn't know but I wasn't going to tell him that.

"**I like him. Now please go away. You aren't wanted here." **His face fell and I almost felt sorry I had lied but then I remembered all those times he had me crying, almost begging for him to love me and I didn't feel so sorry anymore.

Leah looked at me quickly, she knew I had lied. Jacob just stood there so Leah and I stood and bundled him out of the room before slamming the door in his face.

I fell back on my bed.

"**Is he gone?" **I asked Leah; you know with her wolf hearing and all.

Leah cocked her head for a moment.

"**He's gone." **I looked at her and she cocked an eyebrow; we dissolved into giggles after a moment.

"**You lied to him." **She stated.

"**Yes." **I replied, not looking her in the eye.

"**Well…I don't really know but I don't want Jacob to get in the way of me getting to know Kendal. You know the effect he has on me!" **Leah nodded thoughtfully.

"**Maybe he's seen the light – so to speak – what if he really stays with you this time?" **Leah asked.

"**Do I want to risk that? Do I want to risk the relationship I have forming, for a man that has hurt me so many times he doesn't deserve another chance. It should not have taken him this long to begin to love me. It shouldn't have taken Kendal for him to get possessive." **I spouted all this out quickly, taking a breath at the very end. Leah didn't speak; she knew I wasn't finished yet.

"**All the same…I'm afraid I will give him another chance. I love him Leah; I really do." **A traitorous tear slid slowly down my face. I laughed slightly.

"**I promised I wouldn't cry over him anymore." **Leah smiled a sad smile.

"**It's never that easy." **She stated. There was no pity in her gaze, and for that I was grateful.

Sometime later Leah fell asleep. My eyes remained open; my mind was whirling so fast it was a wonder it didn't combust. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was about to walk into a trap. I got up and walked to my window seat; Leah's breathing stuttered as I gazed out at the forest. I turned momentarily; a prickling sensation on the back of my neck sent chills down my spine. I was being watched.

I whirled around and stared hard at the bleak darkness, never keeping my eyes on one spot for two long. My patience was rewarded, something moved underneath the oak tree next to my window. I breathed deeply and looked away for a moment. When I looked back nothing was there; I shook my head quickly. Everything was spooking me lately; I just couldn't shake the feeling of being watched.

I turned on my heel and went back to bed; sliding into the double next to Leah. Her presence was comforting and so I fell into my dreams of princes on white horses and a mysterious figure plotting to have me kidnapped.

_- The next day – _

I woke with a start. A knocking was coming from somewhere.

"**Leah…go get it." **I mumbled sleepily. There was no answer. I looked next to me; ugh Leah must have gone on patrol.

Stumbling sleepily out of bed, I went to my window, only to find Kendal throwing stones at it. I shook my head at him, checked and ran down the stairs quickly, forgetting that I was in my pyjamas…

"**What are you doing here?" **I asked smiling. He came close to me, lifting my chin and gently kissing my lips. I smiled into the kiss.

"**Well that's a wakeup call I could get used to." **He replied. I giggled quietly and he hugged me softly. I laid my head on his chest, loving the feeling of his warmth warming me up in the cold La Push air.

"**Seriously though, what are you doing here?" **

"**I, am here to take you on an impromptu date." **I grinned. That's so cute!

"**Where are we going?" **I asked, intrigued.

"**That's a surprise." **He replied, much to my frustration.

"**But… How will I know what to wear!?" **I asked.

"**Something comfortable." **I smiled, told him to stay and sprinted back into the house to get ready.

I passed Emily on the stairs.

"**Alyss…What - " **I cut her off.

"**Sorry! No time!" **I continued my way upstairs.

I was back in record time; 15 minutes, Kendal should be thankful. I was stopped in the hallway by Sam and Embry.

"**Where are you going?" **Sam asked,I sighed.

"**I'm going on a date with Kendal." **I said.

"**Where?" **I shrugged. They frowned.

Sam opened his mouth again.

"**Got to go, sorry!" **I yelled dodging around them and slamming the front door.

"**Ready?" **Kendal asked, laughing at me.

"**Ready." **I grinned back. He grabbed my hands and took me into the forest.

"**So we're going hiking." **I stated. He grinned.

"**Sort of, I really just need to tell you something and I wanted some real privacy." **Ok that's a bit weird… He could just take me to his house. I smiled at him, not showing how suspicious he was making me.

We walked in silence for an eternity. I wanted to say something but I didn't know what to say. We came to a clearing; the sun was shining for once. Kendal stopped and looked at me.

"**Ok…Have you ever thought there was something different about you compared to others?" **I nodded thoughtfully, my thoughts going to that night I should have broken my hand.

"**Yes." **I replied.

"**Have you ever felt stronger or your senses suddenly expanded?" **I took a step back. Yes I had and I could move silently, but what was he getting at.

"**Yes I have. But Kendal-"**He put a long finger to my lips. I was a bit taken aback.

"**That's because you aren't normal." **I was a little offended actually. He noticed my frown.

"**You're a hunter." **I was stunned.


	20. Defining Moment

**Alyss POV:**

"**I'm a what?" **I asked hysterically. I was beginning to think Kendal may be a bit crazy…

"**You're a hunter." **He replied slowly, annunciating each word.

"**Of what?" **

"**Vampires." **Suddenly, I was pulled into a memory.

_*flashback*_

"_**Mummy! The girls at kinder keep calling me a freak!" **__My 5 year old self cried, running into my mother's arms after school. _

"_**Oh baby what happened?" **__My mother asked soothingly._

'_**I got angry and my eyes changed. Why do they do that mummy? Why?" **__My mother looked troubled. She bundled me up in her arms and took me inside the house to the lounge room. As she sat me down on the couch, her and my dad exchanged looks._

"_**One day, Lyss you will understand everything, but for now…Lyss you are special and that's ok. It's good to be different and one day you will be out saving the world from bad people." **__  
__**"Really?" **__I asked excitedly._

"_**Yes sweetie." **__My eyes brightened._

"_**Will I have a superhero name?" **__I asked jumping up and down._

"_**Well…some people call us hunters." **__My mother replied._

_My young self didn't really understand that but it was cool none the less._

_*end of flashback*_

I gasped at the real meaning of that memory. The reason for my silent movements and relative weirdness over the years.

I looked at Kendal who was trying to see what I was thinking.

"**Ok, I believe you." **He looked really surprised.

"**You do?" **

"**Yes!" **I laughed before I stretched up to kiss him. He deepened the kiss, my fingers wound themselves into his hair and his hands grabbed my hips. All too soon he drew away, kissing my forehead and looking into my eyes.

"**You're ok with this?" **He looked nervous.

"**Yes I am, can you teach me everything?" **I was eager to learn everything about what I was.

"**When do you want to start?" **

"**Now." **He dragged me into the middle of the clearing.

"**Ok for starters, you have to learn to move silently." **

"**I already can." **He looked surprised but nodded and moved on to the next point.

"**You have to learn to fight; vampires are very hard to kill. None of the myths are true, you have to behead them, or burn them." **I inclined my head in agreement.

"**However they won't usually let you get that close so you have to learn to fight."**

I was really excited; I have always wanted to learn to fight, to show the wolves that I could hold my own. Now was my chance.

Kendal began showing me how to stand. He taught me how to punch today, it wasn't easy and he was so good. I barely ever got a hit on him. He was so fast and strong. Kendal assured me that over time I would be just as good as he is. That spurred me on.

When it hit lunch time, he called it a day. I was sweating like a pig, which I'm sure wasn't very attractive.

He grabbed my hand as we were walking back. His calloused hands were rough and warm on mine. I smiled up at him as we got to Emily's house.

"**I'll see you tomorrow?" **I asked hopefully.

"**Definitely." **He leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips. It was short and sweet and perfect.

I waved goodbye as he left in his car, before opening the door to face my family…

**Jacob POV:**

I heard the door close and the sound of Alyss's footsteps came down the hall. Was it bad that I wished the date went really badly? My hopes however were thwarted as I saw the goofy smile light up her face and she danced – yes danced – into the lounge before falling on Leah's lap.

"**I'm guessing it went well." **Leah grinned at her. I refrained from growling. I watched as Alyss nodded happily. I could have cried. It should be me making her feel that way; it was fate she was supposed to love me! Suddenly, Bella didn't matter anymore.

"**You have no idea." **She replied happily licking her lips, oh great, lovely. She bit her lip slightly and I had to stop myself groaning. It just wasn't fair!

Leah dragged her upstairs after that.

I knew Alyss could feel my eyes on her as she went up the stairs.

"**You deserve it you know." **I hadn't noticed Embry come up behind me. I looked at him, startled.

"**What?" **How could he say that? Some best friend he was being.

"**You deserve the way she's been treating you." **  
**"How could you say that?" **I asked a little hurt. Embry sighed.

"**I know it's hard for you to understand – since you've never seen it before – but Lyss has always loved you, she never told anyone because you continually went after Bella. You kept on mucking up your chances with her. Do you know the amount of times she's cried over you? On top of that, she had to deal with an abusive father! Now don't you dare tell me, you don't deserve every bit of hurt you get from her happiness. God knows she deserves some happiness." **I was stunned. Embry stormed out of the room and I just lay there, thinking. It was true, I did deserve it and maybe that's why it's so hard to comprehend.

As I thought, I caught a conversation upstairs. I know it's bad but I just had to listen to what Leah and Alyss were talking about.

"**So? What was it like?" **Leah asked. I sensed the smile in her voice; this was something I was afraid of. What if it was so perfect that I could never get Alyss back? I just couldn't bare it if now there was no Alyss waiting in the background. I had never realised before how much I really needed Alyss there, like a backup; only now do I realise how terrible that is.

"**Well….Amazing!" **She exclaimed, I whimpered, lowly. This was hurting so much; it was like a cleaver was ripping into my heart. Is this what Alyss has felt all this time? Is this what I have been putting her through? It was too horrible thought to bare thinking about.

"**You really like him don't you." **It was a statement not a question. I jumped up as fast as I could and bounded up the stairs, she couldn't like him. She just couldn't!

"**I don't know if I do right now but-" **I barged in before she finished her sentence. I stopped short as two pairs of steely eyes regarded me. I had never realised the strength in those eyes before, I realised now why Leah always reminded me of Alyss. They both have that incredible determination and appearance of steel in their gaze. It had me almost cowering in fear.

"**You were eavesdropping! That is terribly rude of you." **I do believe I saw some kind of amusement in her gaze. How odd, I opened my mouth to retort but she beat me too it.

"**And for your information I never said I liked him. I didn't get a chance to answer before you barged in." **I bowed my head slightly in shame. I really shouldn't have barged in...

"**Well… What is your answer?" **I asked heatedly attempting to cover up what I'd done.

"**I like him. Now please go away. You aren't wanted here." **My face fell but I saw – at least I hope I did – a trace of dishonesty as she said it. Leah looked at Lyss quickly, she knew something. I just stood there looking at them, unable to move; I was hoping it was a dream. Leah and Alyss stood and bundled me out of the room – with more force than I thought was possible – before slamming the door in my face.

I trudged down the stairs, going past the rest of the pack without saying a word. I would not complain it was _me _that did this; it was _me _that did this to Lyss. Why must I hurt the ones I love. It was _me, _always _me _that royally fucks up. I walked out the door and phased, lying down under a tree away from everyone else. I fell asleep under that tree, not moving.

_The next day_

I woke to Leah in my head, she was on patrol. She woke me up but said nothing else; I did not speak to her, she preferred the quiet and I wanted to mull over my pain alone.

I saw Kendal turn up and start throwing rocks at Alyss's window; she came racing out and after she was ready they left to go into the woods. I followed; evidently I had not learnt my lesson.

I followed them into the forest, never getting too close.

"**So we're going hiking." **Alyss stated. He grinned.

"**Sort of, I really just need to tell you something and I wanted some real privacy." **Ok that's a bit weird… I always found him a bit suspicious. She smiled at him, I growled quietly.

They walked in silence for an eternity. I padded along behind them being as quiet as possible; I was intrigued to know where they were going. We came to a clearing; the sun was shining for once. Kendal stopped and looked at Alyss.

"**Ok…Have you ever thought there was something different about you compared to others?" **She nodded thoughtfully, my thoughts going to that night she punched me.

"**Yes." **She replied.

"**Have you ever felt stronger or your senses suddenly expanded" **I remember how Alyss can move perfectly silently; she scares the bejesus out of us all the time.

"**Yes I have. But Kendal-"**He put a long finger to her lips; I bit back a growl again. Alyss looked a bit taken aback.

"**That's because you aren't normal." **She looked a little offended actually. He noticed her frown. I was freaking out now.

"**You're a hunter." **I was stunned. What?

"**I'm a what?" **She asked hysterically. I was beginning to think Kendal may be a bit crazy…

"**You're a hunter." **He replied slowly, annunciating each word. She stepped back a little bit and I purred in happiness at that. Yes that's it move away from the crazy man.

"**Of what?" **

"**Vampires." **Suddenly, I was pulled into a memory.

_*Jacob Flashback*_

"_**Jacob! Jacob! Guess what!" **__My 5 year old self-grinned down at the little Alyss. We were close after that boy had made her cry yesterday and I had helped her._

"_**What Lyssie?" **__I asked, she was bouncing._

"_**My mummy says that when I am older I will be a superhero! I will even have a name!" **__I laughed at her. That would be so cool!_

"_**Really!? What will your name be?" **__  
__**"Mummy says I will be a hunter." **__I gasped. Back then that seemed cool._

I gasped at the real meaning of that memory. A lot of things suddenly made sense. I looked at Kendal who was trying to see what Alyss was thinking.

"**Ok, I believe you." **He looked really surprised.

"**You do?" **

"**Yes!" **She laughed before she stretched up to kiss him. He deepened the kiss, her fingers wound themselves into his hair and his hands grabbed her hips. I growled louder than I should have and he pulled away his eyes darting around. He kissed her forehead and looking into her eyes.

"**You're ok with this?" **He looked nervous.

"**Yes I am, can you teach me everything?" **I did not like the idea that she could get hurt.

"**When do you want to start?" **

"**Now." **He dragged Alyss into the middle of the clearing.

"**Ok for starters, you have to learn to move silently." **Pfft she's ahead of you there bucko.

"**I already can." **He looked surprised but nodded and moved on to the next point.

"**You have to learn to fight; vampires are very hard to kill. None of the myths are true, you have to behead them, or burn them." **Ah, yeah she knew that from the time she was watching us fight the Cullen's.

"**However they won't usually let you get that close so you have to learn to fight." **No kidding!

I could see Alyss was really excited; she has always wanted to learn to fight, to show us she could help us. Like we would let her.

Kendal began showing her the proper stance. He taught her how to punch which is pretty basic if you ask me. When it hit lunch time, he called it a day.

He grabbed Alyss's hand as they were walking back. I followed again, slowly. They got to the door and Alyss turned to Kendal

"**I'll see you tomorrow?" **She asked, was that hope I detected in her voice? Ugh it made me want to gag.

"**Definitely." **He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. Ewwwww.

She waved goodbye as he left in his car, before opening the door to face everyone. I couldn't deal with this, so in true Jacob Black fashion; I ran. I ran fast and far to get away from the epic fuck fest I had turned my life into.

If we as people are defined by our actions and decisions then I am a class A arsehole.


	21. Confusion

****_Hey sorry everyone for the long wait! I have been in France for 6 weeks and their internet was horrible. I hope to update more soon. I know this chapter is too short for how long you've waited but i just wanted to give you something before the next chapter which will be a nice long one for you all._

_xx Valkyrie Shadow_

**Alyss POV:**

I walked through the door slowly; I didn't want to confront the people inside Emily's kitchen. However being the supernatural creatures that they are, they heard me come through the door. I was ready to explain everything but as I got inside I realised something else had happened.

"**What happened?" **I asked Kim as I saw that the wolves were gathered in the living room – except Jake – and the imprints in the kitchen. Kim jumped as spoke having not realised I was beside her.

"**Gahh! Alyss you scared me! I don't know what's going on. But Jared looked really freaked when he came in from patrol." **I nodded thoughtfully. Everyone was gathered really close to Sam and they were so focused I wondered if they'd notice if I walked up and listened, watching them from the stairway, hidden by the doorframe.

I winked at Kim moving forward. She grinned and shook her head.

I moved closer quickly, no one even blinked. Huh, well I wasn't going to give myself away.

"**When?" **Quil asked quickly.

"**He left just before Alyss got back." **Sam replied sadly. Who? Jacob? That would explain why only he wasn't here.

"**You don't think?" **Embry said quietly, asking only half a question. It was obviously something they had talked about before.

"**Yes Embry, I think the imprint is finally working." **They were definitely talking about Jacob. The imprint is finally working… Could they mean? No. He was not in love with me, not now not ever, he had proved that time and time again.

Yet… I couldn't help the butterflies that flew in my stomach, the hope in my traitorous heart. No! my mind told me, you like Kendal now, he is good to you. You don't like Jacob that way anymore. I wanted it to be true, really I did, but deep down in a place I was trying to block, I knew it wasn't true.

"**He had to leave now the battle is soon!" **They all chorused their agreement.

"**He has a week to be back. Maybe we can talk to Alyss…" **Sam trailed off. Embry laughed lightly, it was not a happy sound.

"**She won't want to help him. Not after what he did." **I cringed, did I seem that horrible? I may not wish to help Jacob but if it meant helping my family I would do it. Without a doubt. I stepped in; they may as well know I was eavesdropping anyway.

"**If it will help you get back here alive then I will talk to him if I can." **I said, leaning on the wall next to them. They all jumped and Paul swore.

"**What did you hear?" **Sam asked.

"**Enough." **I replied. **"Enough to know that the battle is in a week and Jacob has disappeared. How do I reach him?" **I asked although I doubted he had gone far.

"**He may be in the woods, he will respond to you." **I nodded, they better hope this worked.

"**I'll be back."**

I walked out into the cold air. It was only just past 1 as I left but I could feel the sun fading. The season was ending, soon it would be winter, cold winds and rain threatened and I marvelled at how the weather perfectly showed what was to come. It was in sync with the happenings of this world.

I questioned the fates and destiny's as I walked through the forest, I wasn't calling to Jacob yet, I needed time to think, alone. Would I be able to watch my family walk out that door in a week, knowing that they might not come back? I doubted it. I had a gift. I had strength, maybe I could convince Kendal to teach me as much as he could in a week, it was unrealistic probably but it had to be done. Then again I was a supernatural creature, maybe I could grasp it at an accelerated pace.

It was resolved. I would fight or try to fight, whichever. I was not going to be the damsel in distress relying on others to fight wars for her. Loved ones are loved because they are worth fighting for; in this case worth fighting with. I lived with wolves and one day I would have to face the idea that a vampire could kill them and then I would have to defend myself. Better I learned it now while I was young rather than being unprepared and weary with age.

Right I just had to work a way around their defences they would not like me coming but there was nothing they could do about it. I was not weak and I would never be weak. A rustle sounded near me. I spun alarmed, my only defence it seemed were the looming trees. Climbed quickly, going high enough that I wouldn't be easily spotted but not so high that I couldn't hear what was said if there was a conversation.

To my surprise Kendal walked purposefully into the clearing and he was talking on the phone.

"**I know! I know! Look…Yes I realise that but…Don't you remember the last boy? Demetri? Remember how long it took for him? Exactly. This one's much faster, stronger. She's a natural." **He paused listening. Demetri? Why had I heard that name? What significance did it hold for me? It was at the tip of my tongue but I just couldn't grasp it.

And who was this she? A natural at what? Was he cheating on me? No of course not, this was bigger than that. It had to be.

"**Look give me a week. I can teach her all she needs to know before you come here…Yes I think they know you are coming. I heard the mutts talking about it not 10 minutes ago." **The mutts? Ok that was obvious. They were part of some plan…The fight! Could it be him? No surely not…

"**Alright calm down, the sear cannot see you don't worry. I now they don't know who leads the newborns and they won't." **I nearly fell out of the tree in shock. Newborn army? There can't have been many of those…The Volturi would have put a stop to that. It clicked.

"_Bella says that she has to be turned soon." Jacob almost cried to Embry from the other room. Turned?_

"_What? Why?"_

"_They say the Volturi have ways of always tracking her to make she keeps her promise. A tracker named Demetri…"_

The Volturi had Demetri, someone Kendal spent a lot of time with…Someone he trained? Like me? No I wouldn't believe it. Kendal was good, he was amazing and nothing would stop that but… At the same time if my hunch was correct – as much as it would break my heart – than I would never forgive myself if I didn't warn the pack.

If he was dangerous and someone never came back I would never forgive myself.

Kendal left and I waited until I heard nothing but the sound of the wind. Time to get home. Quickly and I knew just the way.

"**Jacob! Jake come out please! I'm cold, wet and alone and I really need you to take me home. Please?" **No one moved so I sighed and walked back the way I came. I pretended to fall over a root and come down on my ankle gasping. Fake tears fell from my eyes.

"**Shit! Motherfucker." **I cried, still pretending. No one moved so I got up to hobble but I never made it far. Strong warm arms surrounded my midsection to hold me up.

I slithered out of his arms.

"**Aha! Got you!" **He backed up shocked as I stood easily, unhurt and grinning at him. **"Oh come on Jake I had to get your attention somehow. They need you and I have information you need." **

"**I…I" **He stuttered. My smile faded.

"**I know and they do to but Jake they need you now and whatever it is that is hurting you, it has to go because if you don't help they won't win. You know that." **He nodded, suddenly scooped me into his arms and ran quickly, quicker than I had ever seen before.

As we neared the house I hopped out of his arms and walked in first.

"**Mission accomplished." **I stated, sauntering into the lounge. **"But I have something important to tell you." **Everyone sobered from Jacobs return quite fast as I said that.

I related the conversation I had heard from Kendal to them. As I spoke everyone's frowns deepened, particularly Sam's.

"**We have to tell the Cullens." **Sam stated. An idea formed in my mind.

"**Can I do it?" **I asked. Everyone turned to look at me and I fidgeted under the scrutiny. **"What? I want to meet them you know." **They kept looking at me incredulously. Why were they so surprised?

"**Ok Alyss can go with Jacob, be back quickly we have to make arrangements." **I didn't like the sound of that but there was nothing to be done I guess.

Jacob looked at me wearily like I might explode. I was so over it and you know what? He and I had some serious catching up to do. No matter how awkward it might be.


	22. Fight back, Stand up

_**I know this took a really long time guys and for that i am so sorry. I just wasn't having a lot of inspiration for it but i have it know and this is what i have written. I hope it shows how sorry i am and thank you for everyone who kept with me despite my terrible terrible lack of inspiration. You guys are amazing and i promise to update more frequently.**_

_**xx Valkyrie Shadow**_

**Alyss POV:**

We got into the car; to say it wasn't awkward would be a downright lie. However I had to grit my teeth and bear it, for god's sake! He was my imprint and I couldn't deny the butterflies in my stomach, the fast beating of my heart. The attraction was there, it was whether I had the strength to act on it. It couldn't happen yet though. As much as I could see the mistake now, I was still with Kendall and no matter how much I wanted to just forget him; I wasn't going to cheat on him.

"**So… Now that Kendall's gone…" **I cut Jacob off.

"**No Jake, look I know he's bad and everything but that doesn't make what you did ok. Just give me some time." **I echoed his line at the end and I could see he knew that. It was in his eyes.

He nodded and the rest of the ride was silent. I was incredibly aware of his warmth right next to me.

We pulled up to the house not long after that. It struck me how white and open it was. I knew that daylight had no effect on the well-being of vampires but I never imagined there would be so many big glass windows.

I made no mistake of thinking they were unaware of our presence. I knew Alice would have seen the decision made to come here even with the barrier of wolves she found clouding her judgement. Of all the powers that the vampires of this coven – or should I say family? – Possessed, Hers was the one I liked the least. Although reading minds was a violation of my privacy, Edward could only hear what was passing through, something I was certain I could counteract. Alice's power on the other hand could undermine anything one was to do, while in the context of impending doom – which we were approaching – it was welcome, when I wanted to run, hide or in some ways escape I wouldn't be able to.

Unless of course it was a split decision but it usually took planning for something to really work as I had learned. Jumping in headfirst was never the best idea.

I had done enough research to understand more about the abilities these creatures possessed than even they probably did.

Jacob shadowed me as we stood at the door. I noticed the angle in which he stood beside me, he had his foot slightly in front of mine. I rolled my eyes before knocking briefly well aware they all heard it.

Esme opened the door, she appeared non-threatening, but I knew she was deadly. The knife tethered to my thigh gave me comfort even though I knew it would do nothing. Only increased speed, stealth and hearing would save me if it came down to it.

"**Come in, it's so very nice to see you Jacob and to meet you Alyss." **I nodded, charmed despite my qualms, Esme really was hard to hate.

"**Likewise. Your home is very beautiful." **I smiled remembering my manners, as Jacob seemed incapable of speech. She allowed us in, a frustrated sigh echoed around me as we walked into the living room and I smirked. I knew Edward would not have been able to get past my wall. I had researched much for this.

Every site said I needed strength of will, something to cage my thoughts. I visualised a brick wall, it took practice but now I could maintain it almost subconsciously.

"**I cannot read her mind." **He said quietly to Alice unaware that I could hear.

"**Do you think she's like Bella?" **She replied with a raise of her eyebrows. I decided not to make comment just yet. Esme gestured for us to have a seat before she had the rest of the family down.

"**Hi." **I started staring at the inhumanely beautiful faces before me and smiling. **"It's nice to formally meet you all." **I paused and Emmett butted in.

"**How's that tree climbing going for you?" **he smirked so I knew he was only teasing. I didn't smile back.

"**That's why I am here. In one of my more interesting tree adventures, I overheard a conversation from a person we all know. Kendall." **They looked startled for a moment, I know that at first they too thought he was a vampire and now I am beginning to think that's what he may be.

"**He said that he knew we didn't know the leader of the Newborn Army and I am thinking it may be Victoria as you first guessed and he is helping her. Winter is almost here, you know the fight is in a week. We came to warn you, I will keep you updated with what I can get out of him from now." **I stopped talking, Jake's voice broke in.

"**You will do no such thing!" **He exclaimed clearly repulsed by the idea of me being in harms way. Little did he know I was planning to fight as well.

I just rolled my eyes as Alice grinned at me, I winked knowing that she already knew what I was going to do.

"**Well I'd better get back home now, we just came to alert you. Bye!" **I pulled on Jake ready to be away from these really sweet smelling people. Edwards voice called out to me as I reached the door.

"**Why can't I hear your thoughts? Jasper can't feel your emotions." **I turned back to him.

"**Because I don't want you to. I'm not an unconscious shield as Isabella is like Alice thought, rather I have put up a wall, one to keep my thoughts hidden, my emotions are locked away I didn't want what happened to Jasper last time to happen again." **I let that sink in. Jasper looked at me curiously a look of recognition as he noticed the closeness with Jacob I had at the moment, his protective stance.

"**It's different from everyone, with the right amount of will one can turn on and off the thoughts and emotions you hear and feel."**

To prove my point, I took down one brick to speak in my mind.

_As you can see, I can now speak with you but nothing else breaks free, my memories are my own and you cannot touch them._

Edward straightened understanding what he could not hear, that I would never again allow him access to the vulnerability of my thoughts and memories. They were my own, not for his to see.

I smiled widely as I dragged Jacob out of the house. He'd barely spoken it was like he's just clamed up. Luckily for him I never had that problem.

I was glad that was over. Despite myself, I had looked forward to meeting the 'vegie' vampires and I often wondered what it was Bella saw in them. Although I could see they were very beautiful and part of me couldn't help but be attracted to them, they still repulsed me. I couldn't get over the fact that they were dead and their sweet sickly smell was almost too much for my highly sensitive nostrils.

Maybe it was the days of training with Kendall that had awoken something in my DNA that I hadn't noticed before. My hearing had always been good but now it was even better along with my speed and sight. Everything was changing and enhancing. For the first time I felt that maybe, just maybe I did belong in the company of these supernatural creatures. I finally felt like I really had a place to call home.

But first I had to deal with Kendall; hopefully this could be one of those times that the student surpasses the master.

Jacob was extremely quiet as he drove. I yearned to touch him, to hold his hand. But I sensed that he wanted to be alone with his thoughts and who was I to begrudge him that?

Then again silence was not all it cracked up to be. Being left alone with your thoughts can leave dire consequences. My mind was running in circles; I knew what I had to do, but how? Jacob's outburst had shown me something. He knew me, probably better than I sometimes knew myself. We'd been best friends for years before this supernatural business.

He didn't want me to see Kendall but I knew that I had to. There was no other option. He didn't know that I knew and it should stay that way.

My phone rang.

"**Hello?" **I asked without even checking caller ID.

"_**Alyss?" **_Speak of the devil.

"**Kendall hi." **My voice shook, a little panicky. I coughed to hide my discomfort. Jacob's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"_**Do you want to meet up later?" **_I didn't look at Jake to gauge his reaction, I already knew what it would be.

"**Yeah, our place?" **The steering wheel looked like it was going to get torn in half.

"_**See you then**_**."**

I realised suddenly that there was something missing from that conversation. I had known Kendal a while and although in a normal relationship it would not be odd to say 'I Love You' months into the relationship…I lived in the supernatural world where it was customary to fall for someone with days and sometimes hours. I realised that I didn't _love _Kendal. I cared for him – not as much now – but I had never loved him.

In a way that pained me; although it hurt more to realise that I hadn't even noticed the absence of those feelings.

"**You can stop crushing that steering wheel now." **I said quietly, watching Jacob's hands whiten and the steering wheel bend.

He did not answer except to loosen his hands slightly and grunt. That _really _annoyed me.

"**Have you lost your voice?" **He shrugged. **"Because it seems as though you have suddenly become mute." ** No answer.

Fine, I wouldn't speak either. Silently fuming I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to forget about the warmth radiating off his toned torso.

We pulled up to Emily's house and I stormed out of the car still angry.

"**Surly, ungrateful prick of a werewolf, no manners not even a hello. Oh the nerve!" **I muttered under my breath as I stormed upstairs to get ready for my lesson today.

Leah knocked on my door.

"**Alyss? You ok?" **she asked quietly. I sighed loudly.

"**yeah I'm fine he's just an arse. I have to go see Kendal right now." **I said as I opened my door and she stepped through.

"**We'll send someone on patrol just to make sure." **I nodded in agreement, I knew how adept at fighting he was.

She left after that, presumably to talk to Sam. I got out the back door without telling anyone where I was going. Jacob would have already told them and I didn't feel like having an argument with them. Besides, Leah knew where I was.

I tried to embrace him as I always did but his lips on mine didn't feel the same. I felt like I was betraying Jake and I felt like I was siding with the enemy. I smiled up at the man I no longer trusted, trying not to show that I knew.

"**So what today?" **I asked, truly brightening at the promise of a fight.

"**We are just going to spar today and see if you have been practicing." **He smiled. I grinned, I had been practicing and maybe, just maybe I had learnt more than he thought I would.

He circled me; I kept him always in my line of sight, careful not to let my guard down. With Kendal I had to go on the offensive, he was stronger and I had to start with the upper hand.

I feinted to the left and he foolishly fell for it, underestimating me. I roundhouse kicked him into a tree before he could blink. Sprinting to him and summersaulting over his legs as he moved to kick up. He was on his feet again, his face smarting from where I had kicked him.

I didn't care that I'd hurt him.

He kicked up high but I ducked and swiped his legs out from beneath him. I couldn't get cocky, or accept that I was winning. He was fast, oh so fast and he knew how I fought. This could get ugly real fast. He punched my side and I gasped for air at the sheer force of it. While I fought for breath, he knocked my knees from me. I had to get back so as I fell I flipped onto my hands into a handstand using the momentum to kick up into his chest, sending him to the forest floor In a heap.

Taking the knife from my back I held it to his throat as he's taught me.

"**I win." **I breathed. I was elated, that I could beat him that meant I could fight in the battle.

Kendal groaned and I helped him up. He smiled a little.

"**And the student surpasses the teacher." **He said begrudgingly. I think I may have hurt his feelings.

Now was the time. With the fight days away and the assurance I had learnt as much from him as I could, I had to let him go. I turned away for a moment.

"**Ugh Kendal, we have to talk…" **he looked at me suspiciously. **"I don't feel for you the way I did before, I don't – I don't – I love someone else." **I finished my convoluted sentence as quickly as possible.

He frowned.

"**Well good." **He sighed.

"**What?" **I asked, that was an odd thing to say. His eyes went cold. Oh god what had I done?

"**I never liked you, you know, you were only someone I could use." **He smirked and I seethed. God why was I always so stupid, I might swear off men if I didn't love Jacob.

"**Ok then, well I won't be seeing you." **I turned to leave. He was in front of me before I could blink. Was he always that fast?

"**You aren't going anywhere." **His voice was low and threatening.

"**What are you?" **I whispered, I wanted to say I wasn't scared but I was terrified.

"**I'm a vampire." **He laughed. "**With a very specific power. I can interchange between human and vampire." **That made more sense than it should have.

With that in mind all the guilt I felt went away, I didn't like vampires.

"**You won't get away from me!" **He snarled, moving slowly towards me. I want to say that I stood my ground and fought but I didn't. He was a vampire now, no longer human and while I knew I would be fighting vampires, I also didn't know if I would survive this.

So I ran. I ran faster than I thought I was capable of and I was beating Kendal. He was having trouble catching up, but that wouldn't last for ever. I would tire, he would not.

A jarring force knocked me sideways and my head hit the ground with a smack. Dizzily I realised I could stay on the ground. Like before I had to be on the offensive.

I scrambled to my feet at the same time as Kendal he looked weary. The knife was strapped to my thigh an easy place to reach. It was a hunter's knife, one I knew could cut through his granite skin.

He snarled and I growled back, odd since I was not an animal. He feinted to my right but I knew that's where he wanted me to go. I dived to the left at the right moment rolling on the ground to jump up and kick him hard in the chest. He didn't go flying but he stumbled to the ground making me realise that maybe I was stronger than even he had realised.

He came back faster, punching my side again, I heard a crack and I couldn't help the scream of pain I felt as fire seared through my side. I couldn't let it stop me. I had to fight and I had to win.

I pulled the knife out; it glinted in the fading sun. I was running out of time. He snarled again this time bearing his teeth and I tried not to cringe. His eyes were as purple as ever but there was something sinister in them I had never seen before.

I cartwheeled – yes I had done gymnastics when I was younger, it came in handy – towards him and flipped out whacking him in the face and using the knife to swipe his chest. He howled in spin as it cut his skin.

Before he could any momentum on me I spun using my leg to squish him against a tree so I could get the knife at a better angle.

I looked into his eyes quickly, slightly hesitating before letting go and bringing the knife forward. He tried to grab my arm but – for once – I was too quick. The knife hit his neck with a meaty smack that had me grimacing. He shrieked and I felt like my eardrums would explode. Mustering my strength I swung again and this time he did not shriek and he did not move.

Moving quickly I grabbed the lighter I always kept in my back pocket and kicked him to the middle of the clearing before setting him alight. With his smoking remains went all my previous doubts and worries, I could fight; but with him also went a part of me that I would never get back, the part that trusted everyone unconditionally. Guess with every victory something must be lost.

Someone coughed behind me. I spun holding the knife ready once more. I stopped my advance quickly when I saw it was Leah her hands up in surrender.

"**What in the world was that?" **She cried, almost shouting.

"**Um…I know self-defence?" **She just gave me a look.

"**You'd better explain this to the others." **I sighed following her out of the clearing, picking up my lighter and leaving Kendal's smoking remains behind me.


End file.
